A year off from school before starting college

Q. My son has not really enjoyed high school; he is very smart but has not been motivated enough to earn good grades. He has been depressed at times and doesn't socialize much. Are there any post-high school programs (not academic) that you might suggest to help him mature and find a purpose for going to college?

A. Your question is excellent and important. Your first concern, about your son's depression, is paramount. Perhaps it has been his depression that has prevented him from socializing and succeeding academically. I don't have the information so I can't address cause and effect here; you could consider contacting Dr. Patti if you have questions about adolescent mental health. But before you think about post-secondary opportunities, of which there are many, you must address the depression first, and I hope you find a compassionate therapist to work with your son.

High school is a difficult period for many teens, and not everyone gets through it all charged up about going to college. And there is no law that says everyone must go to college at the same time. Issues of maturity (statistically more true of boys), motivation, finances, and family issues can interfere. You are wise to see that your son needs some time to explore and think before he jumps into the college search. But at this point it is less important for him to “find a purpose for going to college” than to “find a purpose.”

Whether it's through a wilderness program, a job, volunteering at the local library or animal shelter, or other activities, your son may be able to develop friendships as well as an enthusiasm that could lead to further education. Or he might choose to work and delay attending college. Very often, students who wait to pursue their education because they really want it – not because of pressures to do it on a certain timetable – are more focused and get more from the experience. In my next column, I will discuss how to set up a year off that makes the most of your time and money.

One final note: Colleges and universities make mental health care available for students who are depressed or having trouble coping with the new stresses of college life, and once your son does start college, make sure he knows these resources are available. Virtually all schools offer free or low-cost counseling in a confidential setting and will help students get referrals to appropriate mental health providers near campus for longer-term care. Many college students struggle with the same issues that your son has dealt with, so he will not be unusual in seeking help. And doing so will help him to stay motivated and purposeful as he works toward graduation.

March 11, 2008