Comments on: “Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?” http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/ Sun, 21 Mar 2010 14:21:48 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: sjs http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7992 sjs Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:05:31 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7992 #29, I agree with you. Kids become friends with the kids of thier mom's friends. #29, I agree with you. Kids become friends with the kids of thier mom’s friends.

]]> By: Midwood Mom http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7911 Midwood Mom Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:11:32 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7911 I think that certain schools facilitate inter-group friendships. I am white and Middle class, and at Murrow HS in the 1980s I had pals who were African-American and Asian-American, as well as white ethnics. But now I teach at a school that is solely African-American and Latino (well, 2 Arab-American kids too). And these kids sure aren't hanging out with white kids. That is why I intend to send my children to a HS that is really diverse. And I have to be honest, but the really diverse schools tend to have better opportunities and academic scores. I think that certain schools facilitate inter-group friendships. I am white and Middle class, and at Murrow HS in the 1980s I had pals who were African-American and Asian-American, as well as white ethnics. But now I teach at a school that is solely African-American and Latino (well, 2 Arab-American kids too). And these kids sure aren’t hanging out with white kids. That is why I intend to send my children to a HS that is really diverse. And I have to be honest, but the really diverse schools tend to have better opportunities and academic scores.

]]> By: Dorothy http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7901 Dorothy Tue, 16 Jun 2009 13:00:17 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7901 One definitely can ask..Why are all the white kids are sitting together??? One definitely can ask..Why are all the white kids are sitting together???

]]> By: Jean http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7792 Jean Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:00:12 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7792 IMHO, the best way to change self-segregation is for the parents of the children to make efforts to socialize OUT of school with families of other races and ethnicities. From what I see, children play in school with the kids they see out of school, or with kids who look like their family and friends out of school. So if you're a Black mother concerned with diversity, why not strike up a conversation with that nice blonde mother who smiled at you during pickup the other day? If you're a White mother concerned with the same, how about inviting that sweet girl from Trinidad over to your house to play with your first grader? Go shopping together, head to the zoo, have a new family over for dinner. Ask a couple of times and don't be afraid of rejection. Kids will quickly feel comfortable with friends from different backgrounds after going to each others' houses, trying their foods, looking at the pictures of their grandparents, meeting their baby brothers, and playing together one-on-one. This comfort will carry over into school. I've seen it happen many times and it's an enriching experience for all. IMHO, the best way to change self-segregation is for the parents of the children to make efforts to socialize OUT of school with families of other races and ethnicities. From what I see, children play in school with the kids they see out of school, or with kids who look like their family and friends out of school. So if you’re a Black mother concerned with diversity, why not strike up a conversation with that nice blonde mother who smiled at you during pickup the other day? If you’re a White mother concerned with the same, how about inviting that sweet girl from Trinidad over to your house to play with your first grader? Go shopping together, head to the zoo, have a new family over for dinner. Ask a couple of times and don’t be afraid of rejection.

Kids will quickly feel comfortable with friends from different backgrounds after going to each others’ houses, trying their foods, looking at the pictures of their grandparents, meeting their baby brothers, and playing together one-on-one. This comfort will carry over into school. I’ve seen it happen many times and it’s an enriching experience for all.

]]> By: uwsmom http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7760 uwsmom Fri, 12 Jun 2009 22:31:09 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7760 I don't think it's a race issue, but, a socio -economic racial hybrid issue. My kids (bi-racial, black and jewish) have friends of all different races. their friends are mostly jewish , white, or other biracial kids. I think it has more to do with where you live and where you go to school. We live in manhattan on the UWS. They aren't treated any differently. And they are happy. I think that most of the problem comes from parents at home. If you tell your kids whites are privileged, and have at home biases, then they will automatically have a bias , insecurities, or resentment and segregate themselves. I am black, and went to Columbia Prep for my all of my life. I was fine, but, the scholarship kids segregated themselves, (white and black alike would sit together). My hubby went to Dalton and he saw the same thing. If you send your kids intothe world telling them that they are different or less than,then they'll act like it, and seclude themselves. Just my 2 cents... I don’t think it’s a race issue, but, a socio -economic racial hybrid issue. My kids (bi-racial, black and jewish) have friends of all different races. their friends are mostly jewish , white, or other biracial kids. I think it has more to do with where you live and where you go to school. We live in manhattan on the UWS. They aren’t treated any differently. And they are happy. I think that most of the problem comes from parents at home. If you tell your kids whites are privileged, and have at home biases, then they will automatically have a bias , insecurities, or resentment and segregate themselves. I am black, and went to Columbia Prep for my all of my life. I was fine, but, the scholarship kids segregated themselves, (white and black alike would sit together). My hubby went to Dalton and he saw the same thing. If you send your kids intothe world telling them that they are different or less than,then they’ll act like it, and seclude themselves.

Just my 2 cents…

]]> By: Toni http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7648 Toni Fri, 05 Jun 2009 02:54:18 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7648 I think beginning integration from a very young age is crucial. However, I do see that while many kids become friends with people of different races in elementary school, race becomes a major factor in who they continue to be friends with-especially close friends with - as preteens and teenagers. In Tatum's introduction, she mentions this exact problem. "When I ask White men and women how racism hurts them, they frequently talk about... the interracial friendships they had as children that were lost in adolescence or young adulthood without their ever understanding why." (Tatum 14). We have seen that social integration does not naturally follow legal integration. Social integration is not passive, and it can't be achieved just by putting kids in racially mixed settings. As kids get older they become more self-concious, more aware of differences between themselves and their peers, more afraid to contradict societal norms, more scarred by negative experiences and more hesitant to leave the comfort zone that they find with people of their own race. As a teenager, I can fight these natural tendencies in myself. As a teacher or parent, you can fight them by encouraging honest conversation and by creating safe, trusting atmospheres where integration can thrive. "And if I ever touched a life I hope that life knows that I know that touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution." -Nikki Giovanni. I think beginning integration from a very young age is crucial. However, I do see that while many kids become friends with people of different races in elementary school, race becomes a major factor in who they continue to be friends with-especially close friends with - as preteens and teenagers. In Tatum’s introduction, she mentions this exact problem. “When I ask White men and women how racism hurts them, they frequently talk about… the interracial friendships they had as children that were lost in adolescence or young adulthood without their ever understanding why.” (Tatum 14).
We have seen that social integration does not naturally follow legal integration. Social integration is not passive, and it can’t be achieved just by putting kids in racially mixed settings. As kids get older they become more self-concious, more aware of differences between themselves and their peers, more afraid to contradict societal norms, more scarred by negative experiences and more hesitant to leave the comfort zone that they find with people of their own race. As a teenager, I can fight these natural tendencies in myself. As a teacher or parent, you can fight them by encouraging honest conversation and by creating safe, trusting atmospheres where integration can thrive.

“And if I ever touched a life I hope that life knows
that I know that touching was and still is and will always be
the true revolution.” -Nikki Giovanni.

]]> By: Bronx mom http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7631 Bronx mom Thu, 04 Jun 2009 13:04:38 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7631 Queens Mom- your comment made me re-think some things. My 4th grade son has been in racially/ethnically/economically diverse schools since preschool and that was definitely by choice. His closest friends have therefore always been of very diverse backgrounds, not just Black. My hope has always been that when he gets to high school or college, he will already be secure in his racial identity and will be confident and comfortable in any group. So far so good, but things change come middle school. Perhaps the answer for Toni is that, social integration shouldn't just be starting in high school or middle school. Unfortunately in such a segregated city (at least in some parts of it), it's hard to find truly integrated schools. Queens Mom- your comment made me re-think some things. My 4th grade son has been in racially/ethnically/economically diverse schools since preschool and that was definitely by choice. His closest friends have therefore always been of very diverse backgrounds, not just Black. My hope has always been that when he gets to high school or college, he will already be secure in his racial identity and will be confident and comfortable in any group. So far so good, but things change come middle school.

Perhaps the answer for Toni is that, social integration shouldn’t just be starting in high school or middle school. Unfortunately in such a segregated city (at least in some parts of it), it’s hard to find truly integrated schools.

]]> By: Toni http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7629 Toni Thu, 04 Jun 2009 02:41:28 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7629 That's great for a change! To everyone- of course there are going to be exceptions, and that's wonderful. I think Tatum was commenting more on a general pattern. A lot of people mentioned that this question is framed in terms of only the black side of the story, and I completely agree with that concern. It is definitely not a one-sided issue. One of the biggest barriers we are facing to integration is that people ALWAYS find a way to blame the other group. It is so much easier to say "they keep to themselves" than to realize that you do it too. So I agree, we need to be asking why all the white people are sitting together too. I wrote the blog mainly from one side because that was Tatum's way of addressing the issue, and I was using her book as a center of the blog. Sorry if this came off as accusatory of any one race, it was definitely not meant to be. That’s great for a change! To everyone- of course there are going to be exceptions, and that’s wonderful. I think Tatum was commenting more on a general pattern.
A lot of people mentioned that this question is framed in terms of only the black side of the story, and I completely agree with that concern. It is definitely not a one-sided issue. One of the biggest barriers we are facing to integration is that people ALWAYS find a way to blame the other group. It is so much easier to say “they keep to themselves” than to realize that you do it too. So I agree, we need to be asking why all the white people are sitting together too.
I wrote the blog mainly from one side because that was Tatum’s way of addressing the issue, and I was using her book as a center of the blog. Sorry if this came off as accusatory of any one race, it was definitely not meant to be.

]]> By: James http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7622 James Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:55:17 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7622 Hey, This post was so true. I am a black student attending an extremly diverse high school. Our school contains people from Poland, Yemen, Pakisatn, Ireland, America, Mexico etc. Yet, you can never break what people always learn. I for one do not sit with black kids at my school. I like to talk to everyone and anyone because it makes me feel more accomplished. I feel that sticking to your own race creates complications. You never get to experince what it feels like to hang out with someone who has nothing in common with you. My closet friends are from Pakisatn, America, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Poland, and Japan. How's that for a change? Hey,
This post was so true. I am a black student attending an extremly diverse high school. Our school contains people from Poland, Yemen, Pakisatn, Ireland, America, Mexico etc. Yet, you can never break what people always learn. I for one do not sit with black kids at my school. I like to talk to everyone and anyone because it makes me feel more accomplished. I feel that sticking to your own race creates complications. You never get to experince what it feels like to hang out with someone who has nothing in common with you. My closet friends are from Pakisatn, America, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Poland, and Japan. How’s that for a change?

]]> By: KELLY http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7621 KELLY Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:27:12 +0000 http://insideschools.org/blog/2009/06/02/why-are-all-the-black-kids-sitting-together-in-the-cafeteria/#comment-7621 MY SON AND DAUGHTER GO TO SCHOOL IN QUEENS. AND I DON'T SEE THEM HANG AROUND WITH ONLY ASIA. MY KIDS HAND OUT WITH KIDS DIFFERNT RACE .I GO TO SCHOOL IN THE BRONX WHEN I WAS YOUNG . I WAS THE ONLY CHINESE IN THAT SCHOOL. SO DOSE THAT MEAN I SIT BY MYSELF . I FEEL KIND OF LEFT OUT BUT I STILL HAVE FRINEDS IN ALL RACE,KIDS SHOULD NOT FEEL THIS WAY. THEY SHOULD ALL GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER. I AM CHINESE AND I AM HAPPY TO HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT. MY SON AND DAUGHTER GO TO SCHOOL IN QUEENS. AND I DON’T SEE THEM HANG AROUND WITH ONLY ASIA. MY KIDS HAND OUT WITH KIDS DIFFERNT RACE .I GO TO SCHOOL IN THE BRONX WHEN I WAS YOUNG . I WAS THE ONLY CHINESE IN THAT SCHOOL. SO DOSE THAT MEAN I SIT BY MYSELF . I FEEL KIND OF LEFT OUT BUT I STILL HAVE FRINEDS IN ALL RACE,KIDS SHOULD NOT FEEL THIS WAY. THEY SHOULD ALL GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER. I AM CHINESE AND I AM HAPPY TO HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT.

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