Dear Judy,

In the fall, my son will be starting kindergarten in a school where he does not know anyone and where the classes are much larger than he is used to. All his pre-K friends will be in different schools, and I fear we will lose touch. I am wondering how to ease his transition to this new experience.

Anxious mother

Judy answers:

Dear Anxious Mother,

Ah, kindergarten is a new experience for all children, whether or not they know each other on the first day. As a parent, you know it’s important to keep your concerns to yourself. Instead, talk up the positive aspects of going to a new grown-up school where your son will learn lots of new things and find new friends.

We used to suggest that to ease the experience parents and kids walk over to school a few days before school starts, peek in the classroom and meet the teacher. This year, teachers are required to report to school on Sept. 8, just one day before kids begin, and that day is likely to be a very busy one. Don’t count on being let into the classroom, but do practice the trip to school, become familiar with the building, and examine the nearby neighborhood. If your child is going to travel on the yellow bus, walk over to the corner where you’ll wait for the pick-up. It can be fun to clock how many minutes it takes to wake-up get dressed, eat breakfast, leave the house, and arrive at the bus stop or school. That way you and your child can agree on a wake up time.

There are loads of storybooks about making new friends and the first day of school - you must have read some when he began preschool - and you can revisit them over the summer. Some suggestions especially for kindergartners are listed in the Insideschools bookstore: My Kindergarten by Rosemary Wells , the Miss Bindergarten series by J. Slate and A Wolff, On the Way to Kindergarten, by Virginia Kroll , Countdown to Kindergarten, by Alison McGhee, and Welcome to Kindergartenby Ann Rockwell. About.com has list of back to school books that includes suggestions for older children as well. Kids who are transferring to new schools or moving on to middle schools will find them amusing and helpful.

Although you didn’t mention separation problems, others may have kids who have trouble letting go. Try Everyday Goodbyes, Starting School and Early Care, a Guide to the Separation process by Nancy Balaban (and get 10% off the purchase price with our coupon code: AFC07.) As the title suggests the book is about how to recognize and cope with problems saying good bye. The book focuses mostly on very young children, but similar problems often surface on the first day of school.

As for keeping in touch with friends, certainly he can continue to see them. He can still have play dates or meet in the playground, or maybe there is an after school activity that a few of the former pre-K pals can attend together. If the kids live in geographically scattered neighborhoods, contact may be less frequent, but it’s not impossible to keep in touch.

Finally, remember to relax and enjoy the rest of the summer but don’t forget to use the last couple of weeks before school opens to get your child and the whole family back on the early- to- bed early- to- rise routine.

Judy

PS:  (For a parent’s point of view on the transition to kindergarten, check out Claiborne Williams Milde’s Stepping up.)

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