Stepping up
Claiborne Williams Milde is the parent of a kindergartner at PS 29 and a three-year-old preschooler. She lives in Brooklyn and is a freelance writer and cook. We’re pleased to welcome her regular contributions to The InsideSCOOP.
On a gray day this June, my daughter—I’ll call her Night Owl—stood on a blue riser and “stepped up” to kindergarten. The teacher spoke of what an amazing group of preschoolers this had been, and I realized how much I would miss the faces I saw each day at pick-up, at lunch duty, and on field trips. Another week of school followed Stepping Up, but it barely counted; as each day passed, paintings and projects disappeared from the walls, and with them, the room’s personality.
I flash back to Night Owl’s first day at PS 29. Climbing the huge stairway, she looked comically tiny, as if trying on a grownup’s clothes. I wondered how she, newly four, would tackle life in the big school. But pre-K turned out to be a safe bubble. Sure, there was structure and discipline, ABCs and 1,2,3s. But these little kids also rested on mats, tinkered in the play kitchen to their hearts’ content, and got plenty of hugs from the assistant teacher. In the final weeks, there was an aura of excitement as they practiced for fall by visiting kindergarten classrooms and lunching in the cafeteria.
Now, I’m hearing tales of pre-K withdrawal: some kids, plucked from their routines, don’t quite know what to do with themselves. Others feel downright bereft by the sudden disconnection from teachers and classmates. One friend tells me that when her son complains of being lonely, she plays a CD of the class singing together. Another tells me her daughter has missed school so much that the other day she tried forcing open the building’s locked doors. Summer camp has helped, but her daughter still can’t fathom how her daily world vanished just like that.
As is her way, Night Owl shrugs off these transitions. I wonder what she’s really thinking. I’m proud she made it this far, and we’re having a fun summer now that the sun has decided to appear. But I’ll be honest: I’m a little nervous about some of the changes kindergarten will bring. Even though PS 29 has been home for a year now, I have the sense of entering a vaster universe. There will be six classes instead of pre-K’s three, as well as a larger class size: at least 22 instead of 18. With so many classes, only a couple of children my daughter knows will end up in hers. More troubling is the fact that, with budget cuts, the school can’t afford assistants for kindergarten classes; there will be just one teacher per room (except in the Collaborative Team Teaching classroom).
Many parents I know share the same feelings. Those whose children will be at brand new schools truly have jitters. This past week, e-mails have been flying as we compare teacher assignments, hoping to visualize next year’s classes. Children and parents alike hope for a bit of familiarity as we step into new classrooms on September 9. For now, in addition to enjoying the summer, we can do what made last year a success: build our new little communities, set up play dates with former and future classmates, and prepare our children for a year in the big school.
(Ed Note: Check out our latest Ask Judy column for some advice and book suggestions on how to prepare for kindergarten.)
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Preschoolers still don’t have a good grasp of time, so summer vacation seems like an eternity. Just this morning, my son asked: “When is September?”
Comment by Lauren — July 14, 2009 @ 1:26 pm
Awwwww…
This is especially true for us having moved. It is so sad hearing my children talk about their friends, especially my 3 year old who I know will never see her ‘best friends’ again. My 5 year old son has already hammered a wooden project and sent it to a friend and checks the mailbox daily for a reply. But we persevere, like you wrote, and are trying to meet new little friends in their new school….
Comment by cary — July 14, 2009 @ 1:41 pm
I think as the Summer days settle in these kids will gradually start getting exited for Kindergarten. My daughter LOVED her pre-k teacher so much she cried at the idea of moving on…who else could fill her teachers shoes? One month later and three weeks of Summer camp she is finally exited for the big day–the day she gets to be the girl in Kindergarten. Thanks for writing this piece!
Comment by madeley — July 14, 2009 @ 2:13 pm
The nice thing is at that age kids will easily make more friends. They will forget about the old ones and enjoy the new ones more quickly than in their later adolescent years.
Comment by AMH — July 15, 2009 @ 9:43 am
It is interesting to me that what you describe is your own fear. I have often seen parents that believe that what they feel is what their child feels. Is it possible that you are describing how your ‘ inner child ‘ would react? There is alot of over analysis going on in this generation of parents. YOU survived your childhood transitions, so will your child. 4 yrs old becomes 5 yrs old and the growth is evident. You must avoid making your child afraid of what YOU’RE afraid of. It is your job to prepare them with as much positive reinforcement as you can muster,don’t set up TONS of play dates with strangers to quell your own anxiety. He/She WILL BE FINE. It is more likely YOU will be crying the first day then your child. Maybe you don’t want to lose your baby. Your baby is turning five and can handle the change….can you? They all come back at the end of the day with stories to tell. Let them navigate the world a little, it won’t hurt them. Relax.
Comment by MJean — July 15, 2009 @ 9:39 pm
This is so true! I cringe at the prospect of my daughter facing kindergarten. I was so comfortable with pre-K. I know most of this is my fear but this is a new experience for me. My older daughter attended private school through 4th grade and I went out on-a-limb with the younger one (8 yrs younger) because of the older one’s excellent 5th grade experience. I’m trusting also that she will be fine!
Comment by alli lawson — July 16, 2009 @ 12:47 am
MJean: There is a significant difference between “surviving” your childhood transitions and being guided through them by caring and empathetic parents. I agree that many in this generation of parents practice “excessive parenting,” but this is clearly not one of those cases.
Comment by Marni Goltsman — July 16, 2009 @ 1:50 pm
Do you have to call your daughter Night Owl in this blog? The moment I saw that, I stopped reading. If you’re not comfortable using her real name, please give her a pseudonym…but please please please don’t call her Night Owl or I won’t be able to stomach reading your work here and this is a great site.
Comment by Annoyed Owl — July 16, 2009 @ 4:08 pm