High School Hustle: And you thought getting in was hard?
I overheard a conversation this fall between a group of high school freshmen, comparing the weight of their backpacks, their teachers, and their overall adjustment.
Many spoke of going back to visit their middle school several times already, a telling clue. One described the juniors and seniors as “giants,” another said the hallways were so crowded he could barely walk. Another missed lunch because he couldn’t find the cafeteria. The number of exams seemed daunting, as did the competition to get on sports teams and in other activities. A performing arts student said she had spent so much time worrying about her tryout, she hadn’t thought about “the school part, and all the homework.”
All had a slightly glazed look in their eyes. I listened carefully (the conversation happened to take place around my kitchen table). In a suburban setting, the group would have moved together to the same local high school; here sat a group of friends who now represented five very different choices.
With so much emphasis on the competition to get in, from high school interviews, applications, and auditions, it can be easy to block out what comes next. So much is at stake for families when they rank and choose schools in New York City. The competition is daunting; there simply aren’t enough good high schools for all of the students who want to go to them. Lots of students end up settling on their second or third choice.
Those who get their top choice may have a hard time living up to expectations at say, a specialized or performing high school. The big adjustment that comes once they actually get in can be a shock. A longer commute and much earlier start time, for example, may force a nearly catatonic teenager to function in the dark. The lack of time to move between classes and an inconvenient locker location may mean lugging a backpack of twenty pounds (yep, I weighed it.)
An emphasis on grammar and punctuation may startle a student used to a more creative approach. A foreign language or math class may prove too advanced. Some students may feel terribly alone and wonder if they are in the right place after all. Gangs, drugs, and pressures to conform can be part of the experience as well.
Through it all, your freshman may lack the skills needed to approach school staff and discuss scheduling problems or other issues; the school itself may be so large that it takes multiple calls and emails for parents to discover who can help.
Add to the adjustment a new menu of teenage social pressures that comes with finding a new crowd; don’t be surprised to hear the argument that everyone else is allowed to stay out in the city till midnight. Some high schools do a better job than others reaching out to parents and helping the students (and parents).
Insideschools would like to know what high school parents have learned that would be helpful to those who have been consumed with admissions. Is your school helping you and 9th-grader adjust? What did you wish you knew one year ago? If you feel you made the wrong choice, or your child ended up in the wrong setting, is a change possible?
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I am being humorous here, but you will need this information some night at 11pm when their cell phone battery is dead and you will be happy you gathered it. Before they get wise to you, in those first few days, make notes of their new friends names, boroughs of habitation, phone numbers, any information that you can glean. There are no class lists and their new best friends will be from all 5 boroughs and possibly only identified by nicknames. Make contact with any other parents from your child’s middle school to share information. Go to those early freshman year PTA meetings and try and find one or two of these new mystery friend’s parents. Encourage them to make their own network and share it with you. Don’t abuse your information, but tell your child that this is vital emergency contact information. Then when your child says that the party is chaperoned and everyone is going – you can be secure in the knowledge that all their friends parents are on the same page with you.
HS has been a challenging but fantastic experience and we wouldn’t have moved to the suburbs to miss this opportunity for ANYTHING! We have experience with several different schools and have found that we have received immediate, compassionate and thorough help from the administrations, support staff and many teachers.
Comment by Joyce — December 14, 2009 @ 12:00 pm
My son’s HS is a disaster from one side. It’s a biggest and crowded specialized HS in NYC located in an old gloomy building which desperately begging for renovation. Administrations are absolutely not helpful. We’ve run into a number of situations of misinformation, unresponsiveness, bureaucracy, etc that we had never experienced in the past two schools. My son misses his middle school so much. It would be better if students stay in a same school from 1 to 12 grade (if they like it.)
So far, he’s adjusted, kids here are ok, nobody picks on my son maybe because he is taller and stronger than most seniors. Good for my freshman as his backpack is 35lb. No lockers available, dirt is everywere. Academically this school is the best I mean it. Teachers are great.
I wonder btw why high school is for 12 years, I think 10-11 years would be enough, good for “kids” and for economy. Also good for students who must survive in their HS among drugs and gangs instead of getting education that is misery in most cases.
However, we made right choice only because our local schools are even worse.
Comment by Anonymous — December 14, 2009 @ 4:02 pm
Why aren’t we mentioning the names of the high schools here? If this information is going to be useful for families now in the selection process, we need to know which high schools people are writing about. I’m guessing that the initial blog here is about La Guardia, right? And that the “biggest and crowded specialized HS” of post #2 is Brooklyn Tech. Entry #1 is interesting and offers advice that I may need someday soon (thanks!) but if she’s having such a great experience she should let us know where!
Comment by Eighth Grader's Mom — December 14, 2009 @ 11:37 pm
I echo Eighth Grader’s Mom. I’ve heard the tales of hours of homework, but what is it really like? Is the homework impossibly hard? Is there just too much of it? Or, is there too little homework, or is it really mindless? The Tech teachers claim to be available one period a day for students to come and talk with them – is this really true? Any pearls of wisdom are appreciated.
Comment by bkparent — December 15, 2009 @ 7:15 am
Tech IS big – it’s no secret. There IS a lot of homework — no secret there, either. Some of the work is challenging and meaningful; some, less so. (As always, much depends on the teachers who assign it.) But I have found admins there, from counselors to dept APs to the principal, extremely responsive (one email and you get a call or note back, within minutes or hours). And the building itself is far from grimy, although it is WPA-era old — which is, in fact, on par with lots of NYC public school buildings.
The adjustment Liz writes about is real: These schools set the bar high for their students, they expect kids to take the initiative and be prepared (which I think is great). The first semester in particular is a cold-water shock for lots of kids. But I see my son becoming more excited about school — he dissected a sheep’s heart in bio last week and had a blast — and finding his way. He is working hard, studying for tests (there are lots), and his work is paying off in stronger marks. So even though the long view isn’t my best strength, I’m hoping for the best. You have to go into these choices with your eyes open: No school is perfect, there are strengths and weaknesses in every setting, and no, there are not enough seats at good schools for the strong students who deserve them. The other part of the mix — the swings and changes of adolescence — are another story altogether.
Comment by hz — December 15, 2009 @ 8:49 am
My child went from a class of thirteen to a class of who knows how many at Stuyvesant. The transition was surprisingly easy, as she had a dedicated bunch of Big Sibs to guide her. She also had several classmates from her old school to hang out with.
The hardest part was probably the lockers. They were somewhere on the top floors and she lost precious time running up and down the building, getting very stressed out in the process.
Homework was not too bad at first. The second semester she got a mediocre biology teacher and things started degenerating. Now a sophomore she sleeps no more than five hours a night and quite often a lot less.
Socially the school has been a good experience. No clicks, no bullying, just incredibly bright and hardworking kids. I’m sure some students have issues but our child has been in good company.
For us parents, letting her stay up all night has been an adjustment. As far as the size of the administration, we hardly notice it. The parent coordinator at is excellent, and if we have issues we go straight to him.
Comment by stuy mom — December 15, 2009 @ 2:56 pm
My child attends one of the newer specialized schools and we’ve been disappointed thus far. The school that the principal describes during the open house and orientation does not resemble the actual workings of the school. Despite the small size of the school, the teachers are not responsive and are, at times, hostile and rude. Moreover, the teaching ability of several instructors is extremely poor. Homework has been substantial, but the real issue is the constant tests and quizzes. What pains me the most is to see my child’s love of learning drained away and replaced with dread and misery.
Comment by nycmom — December 15, 2009 @ 3:10 pm
My daughter also longs for JHS. It was a nurturing place which was academically demanding but it also remembered where she was in this stage of life. Why do HS’s think that as soon as you walk in the door you will suddenly change into an adult? Is it realistic to expect 13 and 14 year olds to be able to handle 4 – 5 hours of homework a night? My child has no social life. She rarely sees her friends and she has not been able to be involved in after school activities because her schedule is so taxing. For the first time in her life she actually hates school. This from a child who loved going to school, loved her teachers and loved English and Writing. Now she dreads it. Shame on you HS administrators and teachers. Don’t you remember what it was like when you were in hs?
Comment by Midwood Mom — December 15, 2009 @ 3:10 pm
My child is a 9th grader at Brooklyn Tech and currently he is struggling. He went from being a good student in middle and elementary school, not great but good, to being a struggling student at Brooklyn Tech. He feels that the pace of the teaching is too fast and that he bearly has time to get “his arms around a subject” before the teacher is onto something new. I agree that while the Brooklyn Tech building is old it is hardly grimy. I have found the teachers to be relatively responsive, I don’t know about minutes or hours, but we certainly hear back from them within a few days. The level of organization that is expected of a specialized school 9th grader is enormous without the school system providing any of the tools for success in high school. Perhaps in 8th grade the middle schools should be required to provide students with the organizational skills they will need so that high school is not so daunting. I wish that the kids today called each other, but no such luck, they im or email each other and so there is no way to set up the data base of parents to contact for the party scenario that is described in the blog above. Our only hope is that we have repeatedly discussed the facts of life. To date there have not been any parties, that he has attended or that we are aware of. We are keeping our fingers crossed and striving to provide our son with the support structure that he needs so that he can turn his being somewhat overwhelmed around and learn how to thrive and take advantage that a school that Brooklyn Tech can offer. Some of this has to do with growing up a bit more.
Comment by Manhattan Parent of a boy — December 15, 2009 @ 5:39 pm
To echo the comment #3 by Eighth Graders Mom – please name the school you are talking about. Numbers 7 & 8 – which schools do your children attend?
Comment by cgmom — December 16, 2009 @ 9:17 am
Yes, I would really like to hear the school number 7 is talking about. We’re hoping to get our daughter into one of these schools, and need all the perspectives we can get, since we don’t know anyone at the school. Please tell.
Comment by Anonymous — December 16, 2009 @ 1:25 pm
My daughter is having a really good experience as a freshman at Brooklyn Tech. It helps that she’s an athlete. Through sports, she meets and makes friends with other students. Also, the work wasn’t as big an adjustment as we’d feared – even physics is working out. The biggest issue is that she can’t meet many new freshmen other than the ones in her cluster, and she doesn’t have the same lunch period as many of her freshman friends. The administration has kept us informed of all meetings and ways to help our child. We’re happy with Tech. With regard to the authors comments: an emphasis on grammar and punctuation might be an unpleasant surprise for many students, but it’s going to happen wherever they are. Also, backpacks can get a lot heavier than 20 pounds.
Comment by Sherry — December 16, 2009 @ 8:49 pm
You know what’s going to be interesting next year when my son gets to high school? Finding out how well his middle school has prepared him for high school. I bet over on the middle school search blog parents would like to know which ones prepare the kids well for the specialized and selective high schools. But I digress.
Comment by Eighth Grader's Mom — December 16, 2009 @ 10:40 pm
I fully agree with comment #6 from a stuy mom. If my daughter gets 5 hours of sleep, I consider myself lucky. She often goes to bed at 2 or 3 a.m. and has to get up no later than 6:30 a.m. She has lots of friend in school, and likes most of her teacher. But the amout of the homework…well, let’s just say it would not hurt if it was reduced.
In general, the school is nice,fairly new and clean. The parent coordinator is trully excellent. Most of the teachers, at least the one I have met, are pretty good. But kids need more sleep.
Comment by another stuy mom — December 20, 2009 @ 5:54 pm