Kindergarten Corner: Holiday teacher gifts – Too much or too little?
The holidays are my favorite time of year to check in with teacher friends, simply to hear what their students give them as gifts. For the most part the kids bestow endearing homemade cards and trinkets, with the usual array of baked goods.
Some private school teachers, though, receive jaw-droppingly expensive gifts. One reports getting gold jewelry from Tiffany more than once and, one year, a cruise. Another was presented with a giant porcelain ice bucket in the form of a top hat with a glove draped fetchingly over the brim. A pal who taught at a liberal-minded private school received no gifts at all, because acknowledgment of the holidays was taboo.
No such extravagance or holiday ban at my daughter’s school, PS 29 - at least not that I’ve witnessed. The PTA tries to eliminate awkwardness and the possibility of one-upmanship by encouraging a group gift (okay, according the the DOE’s conflict of interest rules). Parents chip in an amount they see fit. Often, a figure is suggested.This year in our kindergarten classes, the recommended amount was $15 to $20 per family. Donations are anonymous and everyone signs the group cards.
But for some parents, the process of teacher gift-giving can still be fraught. No class parent relishes passing the hat, and many privately wonder if they’re handling the task gracefully. Last year, as a class mom for Night Owl’s pre-K class, I felt especially guilty asking for money during a recession. To make matters worse, I was used to a small preschool and neglected to calculate for all the specialty teachers who should be included-until the PTA sent a reminder and I had to go back for a second round of collections.
Even though amounts are suggested and not mandated, some parents may feel squeezed at a time of year when extra cash is nonexistent. What’s a dad to do if he feels the suggested amount is too steep but feels embarrassed saying so? How is Mom to know what’s acceptable if no guidance is given at all?
On the flip side, a friend whose class contributes toward gift cards feels the suggested amount is restrictive. She laments that the total “take”, once split among teachers, will be a paltry and impersonal reflection of their amazing work.
How does your child’s school handle teacher gifts? Do you agree with school policy?
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A paltry and impersonal reflection of their amazing work? Teachers are paid for their work. They are not, like waiters, on a tip-based income. I am also in a public service industry, I make a fairly small salary, but am still expected to do a great job for those I serve–and gifts are against the law for us. I have absolutely no problem with that. It’s the job I chose to do and I shouldn’t do a better or worse job because I’m expecting an envelope of cash every winter.
Our class suggestion of $25 per person, anonymously, was quite appropriate in my opinion. (We also gave a small private non-cash gift.) Last year, we were asked to give $100 per student, in envelopes pre-marked with each child’s name. At a public school. That one was a kicker!
Comment by Geneva — December 21, 2009 @ 11:33 am
In my public school in Queens, I’ve noticed a trend where many parents are not even volunteering to bring in food contributions or other items to the class holiday party. It would not surprise me if these parents also do not contribute to the teachers’ gift.
Comment by parent — December 21, 2009 @ 5:46 pm
At my child’s school we were asked for $10, $2.00 for the class party and $8.00 for the teacher. A reasonable amount considering we like my son’s teacher. Last year we did not contribute to any gift as my son’s teacher was terrible and all but ignored him. while we always chip in for the class party we decide on contributing to the teacher gift depending on how well the teacher actually teaches.
Comment by queensparent — December 21, 2009 @ 6:29 pm
I would be appalled if anyone at my school “passed a hat” for a gift for me or any teacher. Our PTA puts together a lovely and generous luncheon for us, which we truly appreciate. I get some thoughtful gifts from individual students, which I accept and send thank-you notes for, but I would feel very uncomfortable if I knew that families were facing even gentle suggestions to contribute to a gift for me. Some families, especially now, truly do not have it in their budget. I treasure the gifts I receive from students but would be very upset if anyone felt pressured to give one.
Comment by Miss Eyre — December 21, 2009 @ 10:16 pm
At my kids’ public elementary school parents always chipped in for a teacher gift. Most years I volunteered to be a class parent, so it was my job to coordinate the effort. It was school policy to neither suggest an amount nor to list who contributed to the gift. Parents would often ask me what’s a good amount. I’d always say “whatever you feel comfortable with giving. Any amount is appreciated.” In reality there was always a huge range in contributions: some gave $5, some gave $20, some gave a lot more and some some didn’t contribute at all. No family got individual credit and no family was ever identified as not contributing. The gift was always presented to the teacher with a card, or occasionally a special art project, signed by all the students in the class.
One other policy the school had, which was laid out in the request letter so parents were aware, was that 10 or 15% (I forgot the amount) collected by each class would be diverted to a gift fund for the specialty teachers — art, music, gym, technology and science. We wanted to make sure to acknowledge their hard work.
Comment by Laura — December 22, 2009 @ 9:28 am
Yes, teachers are paid for their work…as so is my husband, but we always look fwrd to the end of the year bonus. WE ALL DO. No matter how dedicated you are to your job, it is nice to be compensated. And if you are a teacher at a public school, believe me, the extra cash is much appreciated. And some of the schools mentioned here, like PS29 certainly have parents that are able to be more generous.
Comment by Madley — December 22, 2009 @ 9:49 pm
No, WE DON”T ALL DO. Other civil service employees are NOT allowed to accept cash or even non-monetary gifts, except for postal employees who are limited to $5. Teachers are the only public servants who can, do, and in some cases like yours–expect.
Both my parents were teachers their entire careers and enjoyed the personal small gifts they received. This money-grabbing is relatively new and often overwhelming to parents.
It’s not an end-of-the-year bonus, it’s a gift, and the fact that it’s expected and looked at as a given part of the income is a sad thing. This coming from one public servant–who cannot and would not accept any gifts–to another.
Overall, your post was sad in both its expectations and terminology.
Comment by Mark — December 23, 2009 @ 9:38 am
Like commenter #7, I work for a government agency, and am subject to very strict rules governing acceptance of gifts. It would be considered a huge conflict of interest and violation of ethics rules to accept money or gifts from the people we are serving.
Indeed, this is recognized by Dept of Ed, and that’s why the DoE has the $5 rule, which is routinely disregarded in schools like PS 29, where some parents can afford to and want to give much greater amounts.
As a former PS 29 parent who participated in collecting money, I found the comment of commenter #6 sad, since PS 29 is diverse economically. Some parents could not give a lot, or anything, and it was awkward collecting for a group gift. Other parents, of greater means, felt that the total amount should meet an ambiguous goal of not seeming to chintzy and would kick in more to cover the parents who didn’t chip in. Some wanted to give their own gifts as an expression of affection for the teacher, whereas others saw this as a gratuity, such as one would give a well-liked service provider.
In my child’s middle school there has been no move to engage in this sort of group gift. I’ve taken to giving a gift at the end of the year to each teacher. I do violate the $5, and because of this I don’t give gifts in December because I think it puts the teacher in an uncomfortable position to receive, say, a gift card from a parent whose child she or he is responsible for grading. To put it bluntly, it is a conflict of interest.
Comment by bkparent — December 24, 2009 @ 1:57 pm