The 1,082 page, 20-year-old world history textbook sits on a desk next to the 1,114 page biology book. They weigh in at a good five pounds each. There’s no more room for them in the already overloaded backpack, stuffed with an equally weighty Spanish textbook, lunch (quite possibly including some of the old and uneaten variety), a mess of pens, notebooks, binders, power bars, and gym clothing. The thing totaled close to 30 pounds at a recent weigh-in.The insanity of hauling heavy backpacks around in a city where kids have long commutes and lots of stairways is well known. The question I’m posing, though, goes beyond the backpack issue. I’m puzzled about why so many schools are still making use of these old textbooks.

A recent Scholastic survey commissioned by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and released last week found few teachers believe traditional textbooks can engage today’s digital natives and prepare them for success. Teachers say they prefer digital and non-digital resources like magazines and books other than textbooks.

Only 12 percent of some 40,000 teachers surveyed said textbooks help students achieve, while only 6 percent said textbooks engage their students in learning. Eliminating textbooks (a $7 billion market in the U.S.) is also cost effective in these cash-strapped times; Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of California proposed cutting the budget deficit by replacing “outdated” textbooks with electronic versions.

But what is replacing textbooks? I noticed that one city high school is running a workshop on how to use YouTube in the classroom, along with instructions on an animated tool called Prezi. Some schools are moving toward digital textbooks, known as FlexBooks, which can be downloaded, projected, and printed. (more…)

There are many reasons why high school choice in New York City is so fraught and frightening for parents. In a city where parenting can resemble a competitive sport, important questions abound. But as our children age, we learn that these questions are only the beginning.

Concerns from parents who must decide on a specialized high school or other placement for their child have dominated conversation on Insideschools and in countless households. Class size, academic quality, commute time, and advanced placement offerings are all being weighed, along with the role of sports and arts.

Other pressing questions are close behind, because the inevitable and lifelong separation process is dramatically stepped up when your child enters high school. For example, what happens four years later? What percent of students graduate on time (in a city where half don’t) and how well prepared will graduates be for college? What is the quality of college counseling in city high schools, and how do college admissions officers regard graduates of say, Bronx Science vs. Eleanor Roosevelt?  Just how much should college concerns weigh upon what happens after 8th grade?

Those who have survived the intensity of New York City school admissions all the way to high school may feel like grizzled veterans when it comes time to pick a college. Still, it’s a shock to the system to consider our unformed adolescents as young adults who will, if all goes well, be out the door and making their own decisions before long.

Assumptions we make while dragging our 12 and 13-year-olds on school tours may be struck down as their interests and abilities change. I’ve always found one of the oddest and most difficult parts of school choice in New York City, starting with pre-kindergarten, can be making choices based on what I imagine my child will be like a full year later. (more…)

New York City is such a peculiarly competitive place to live that even toddlers may receive rejection letters from pre-schools, so you think they might be prepared when it comes time for choosing a high school.

At the tender age of three or four, however, they have some insulation, as it’s hard to imagine telling a potential nursery schooler: “Sorry, you didn’t get in. They weren’t impressed by your sandbox play.”

There’s not much parents can do to cushion the blow of first round rejection for city high schools, though. It can be a pretty raw time. And the stakes are ever so much greater because the supply of excellent high schools does not meet the demand. (more…)

I looked at the scattered notes and index cards covering my dining room table last week, struck by a distant but very real memory of my college freshman self during finals: Sprawled out at 6 a.m. in a study room in my freshman dorm, surrounded by textbooks and index cards after pulling an all-nighter.

Trying to absorb every significant event in the history of Western Civilization in one sitting, I learned, was not such a good idea.

Last week many New York City public high school students faced their first round of high school finals, in some cases digesting large quantities of information at the last minute. This week, many of those same students will also take New York State Regents exams they must pass in order to graduate.

Those who know how to keep up with assigned reading and to carefully organize, outline, and study their notes well in advance probably sailed through their finals. Others found the experience daunting, judging from frantic text messaging and Facebook posts proclaiming imminent failure and pleas for help finding the right notes. (more…)

A host of parental postings on this blog in recent weeks have included the following concern: “My child has so much homework and gets so little sleep that I feel really sorry for him/her.”

Often, this has come from the parents of freshmen at schools like Brooklyn Tech, Bronx Science and Stuyvesant, large, highly sought after and filled with high expectations and high achievers.

High expectations mean that students will be expected to keep up with what in some cases might feel like a daunting work load, while adjusting to huge schools filled with ambitious classmates and teachers who may not have time to get to know them. (more…)

It was hard not to feel empathy for the aspiring dancer depicted on the front page of the New York Times last week, in an excellent piece by Jennifer Medina that looked at the grueling schedule of auditions for ninth-graders hoping to snag a spot in a performing arts high school.

The endurance test had to have struck a chord with parents who are going through auditions. It for me brought back the frightening moment a year ago when I thought I heard my now 9th grade son tell me that his much practiced musical audition to Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School was “awful,’ – instead of  “awesome.”

Auditions are rife with tension and drama, but lost in the piece was an ever present question for parents whose children ultimately get into a performing arts high school. What will the quality of the academic experience be, and what trade-offs, if any, will kids and parents have to make? (more…)

I overheard a conversation this fall between a group of high school freshmen, comparing the weight of their backpacks, their teachers, and their overall adjustment.

Many spoke of going back to visit their middle school several times already, a telling clue. One described the juniors and seniors as “giants,” another said the hallways were so crowded he could barely walk. Another missed lunch because he couldn’t find the cafeteria. The number of exams seemed daunting, as did the competition to get on sports teams and in other activities. A performing arts student said she had spent so much time worrying about her tryout, she hadn’t thought about “the school part, and all the homework.”

All had a slightly glazed look in their eyes. I listened carefully (the conversation happened to take place around my kitchen table). In a suburban setting, the group would have moved together to the same local high school; here sat a group of friends who now represented five very different choices. (more…)

Kids who grow up in New York City don’t expect suburban amenities like backyards, basement recreation rooms, and their own bedrooms, and they’re used to thinking of shared parks and playgrounds as their own. When it comes to schools, the same mentality of sharing space often rules, although it seems the concept of sharing space is being stretched more than ever.

Today’s New York Times carried a piece highlighting the difficulties existing public schools are having sharing space with a growing number of charter schools, at a time when public schools are also squeezed. Last week Insideschools wrote about parents angry over charter school expansion on the Lower East Side. Gotham Schools highlighted stories in the Downtown Express about overcrowded elementary schools and a principal’s threat to leave for Westchester, while the New York Daily News reported that class sizes have grown.

My younger son’s excellent middle school, the Clinton School for Artists & Writers, has been told it must move out of top few floors it has occupied on top of PS 11 in Chelsea since its inception. Sharing it seems, is no longer an option. (more…)

When someone asked me what high schools I might be thinking about for my 7th-grader recently, my answer came swiftly and might have sounded a bit snippy.

“I’m not thinking about it at all,” I said, which of course, isn’t true, much as I’d like it to be, since it feels like we just got him happily settled in middle school.

It is a fact of life for New York City parents: You are always thinking about schools, from pre-school (which can be a grueling ritual of its own) until high school graduation, when the focus shifts to paying for college. (more…)

Every time I arrive at an overcrowded school corridor to sign up for a three-minute parent teacher conference, I have the same thought: There must be a better way.

There are too many names on the sign-up list. The parents are anxious and antsy. It’s always too hot and crowded, and I immediately start feeling sorry for the teachers, besieged by questions.

With one child in middle school and another in high school, I am officially a veteran of New York City public school parent teacher conferences. I’ve developed a few survival strategies.

If possible, I take a personal or vacation day and attend the afternoon session in an effort to avoid ridiculous evening lines.Even so, I can’t beat the system.

(more…)

A typical conversation between concerned parents and their high school students might, theoretically, begin with a casual inquiry about homework. A most unwelcome question about what plans are being made to get it done might come next.

Often, the child, typing furiously in front of a computer, might note that there is barely any homework, or that he or she is about to start.

“Get off Facebook,” the concerned parent might venture. “Do your homework first.”

“Okay, fine,” comes the reply. “I’m just saying Bye.”

Ten minutes passes. The furious typing continues. The backpack remains unopened.

“I thought you were getting off Facebook to start the homework?”

“I am! I’m just saying ‘Bye!”

“Why does that take so long?”

“Because there is more than one person on – everyone is on!”

It turns out, there might be as many as 100 or even more Facebook friends on at once, posting links and invitations to join causes along with photos and videos. They may be simply chatting online about their daunting adjustment, or search for a New York City high school. At the same time, many are texting, reading, and possibly even doing homework. (more…)

Once you finally get passed the grueling search for a New York City public high school — the tours, tests, interviews and rankings finally over — a settling-in period begins. But getting information about how it’s going from your child can be even more difficult than isolating statistics on the Department of Education’s website.

High school can be a tough time socially and emotionally. Countless movies, television series, books, and documentaries are devoted to the topic of fitting in and finding high school happiness, if such a state exists.

So I have become especially curious since I learned about the overwhelming ratio of girls to boys at Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School, the audition-only school where my son is a freshman.

“Did you know your school was 74% female and just 26% male?” I asked him recently. (As if he hadn’t noticed).

I soon learned that most of his classes (of about 26-34 students) had only six boys, never more, and that he didn’t mind at all. (more…)

On the soccer field last weekend, the parent of an 8th-grader casually inquired what it takes to get into one of the city’s best high schools. I wanted to laugh, but that wouldn’t be fair, because as I started my own search with my son a year ago, I was equally curious and anxious.

“So, do you think Beacon wants straight As and4s on both tests?” the mother asked. Like many parents trying to unravel the mystery of high school choice in the nation’s largest school system, she wanted straightforward answers that would help her assess her son’s chances. If her son was not an outstanding student, (I did not ask) would his chances of being accepted at one of the top schools be diminished?

As the high school search begins for 8th-graders, the question of who gets in is especially disconcerting. The specialized high schools like Brooklyn Tech, Stuyvesant, and Bronx Science are not for everyone, but the criteria is at least transparent: students take an exam, and if their score is high enough, they’ll get in. Students with poor grades who don’t test particularly well can be accepted, although those who get in generally have taken test prep for the exam. (more…)

The last day of summer should be a day for sleeping in, shopping for supplies, or perhaps seeing friends who have been away. If the households I know (including my own) are any indication, thousands of students are instead scrambling to finish long-ago assigned book lists and assignments. Some of those assignments were given out with report cards in June. And this year, with a late Labor Day and contractual issues, the start of school has come later than ever.

So what gives? I brought the subject up for discussion among friends and families and got a variety of reactions. One came from a parent whose friend handled the last minute mania this way: She offered to pay her children $100 to get the summer assignments done the first week, so she would not have to nag or argue with them. With the homework underway early (the incentive worked perfectly) the entire family relaxed and enjoyed summer.

This same sort of incentive or bribe (because that’s what it is, isn’t it?) could be extended throughout the year, if parents in the midst of this recession really want to be in the business of paying for performance. That brings up other issues entirely. (more…)

I’ve never agreed with Schools Chancellor Joel Klein’s ban on cell phones in school. I understand that students shouldn’t text or chat in class. But as a New York City public school parent whose middle school kids ride the subway and get around to after-school activities on their own, I need to hear from them when they leave and arrive. I’ve longed for a compromise solution that allows phones to be stored and retrieved when the day is over.

Camp, however, is an entirely different story, as I’ve learned the hard way this summer. My older son’s camp had a policy that kids could have their cell phones in their cabins only, but I decided this would be a good time to take it one step further.
Why, I wondered, did he need to chat or text with friends back home or call his parents during a two-week music camp? It seemed the perfect time to unplug – no computer, television or addicting electronics of any kind. Until the calls started coming in. “Mom, everyone else has a cell phone here!” came the first urgent call. “I need my cell phone!” I heard the following night. “Send it now! Send me my cell phone!” (more…)

At a recent middle school event, some of the newly tall eighth-graders looked down at their parents. Many had caught up with the girls who once towered above them. I saw facial hair and giant sneakers.   I glanced over at the incoming fifth-graders attending the event and wondered what these tiny, tiny children were doing in the same building.

By the end of middle school, these children may become unrecognizable in ways large and small. They might begin to tune out the voices of their parents and teachers. They’ll rely heavily on electronic communication — Facebook, text messaging, instant messaging — and, probably, on forms of e-connecting we don’t yet imagine.

I shared an observation about the unpredictable ways of eighth-graders to a teacher that faces three full classes of at least 32 thirteen and fourteen-year-olds every day. “Wait, who am I talking to?’’ I said with a shudder. (more…)

At the start of the harried public middle school search process in New York City, parents take tours and are forced to think a great deal about different academic approaches, settings and styles.  What kind of school best suits your child:  A traditional school with uniforms, a steady diet of homework and lots of exams? An arts-based curriculum that emphasizes creative projects? A collaborative learning approach with lots of group work?  A hybrid approach?  A secondary school, which continues through 12th grade?

There’s lots of variety in the largest school system in the U.S. and even more competition for programs with the best reputations. What I remember most about the middle school search had little to do with making the selection; it was more the anxiety about getting in along with a sense of outrage about how difficult the process was.

Through it all, I had a hard time envisioning the kind of student the 10-year-old accompanying me might become, or even where he would flourish most. It was even harder to imagine that the child I worried so much about putting on the subway alone would develop his own ideas about what kind of student he would – or would not — become.

My now eighth-grader – newly taller, and even more opinionated, than his mom — is getting ready to graduate from middle school. As I look back on some of his adventures and mishaps, I have no choice but to laugh at the many unexpected twists and turns in the transition from the child who held my hand to the teenager who asks that I walk on the other side of the street or at least a block behind.

Some of the transitions were delightful (new talents and friends, a particularly inspiring teacher). Others were merely appalling — the time he almost failed physical education for poor behavior, the unforgettable day where the highly amused school principal led me to his locker and said: “I thought you should see this,”  as a tangled rush of notebooks, sneakers, jackets, overdue library books and assorted gear (and smells) tumbling onto the floor. There was no lock, but a long missing academic planner was discovered – with not one word written inside it.

 So what kind of student is emerging? It’s a complicated answer, but the short answer is, we don’t really know yet.

Ultimately, we were lucky in our choice of middle schools; the staff for the most part knows that the children who enter may be on their way to becoming absurdly awkward, absent-minded Facebooking, text-messaging, self-conscious teenagers.    Hopefully, they will have developed a love of learning and some good study habits to become the students they – not necessarily their parents – want to be.

May is one of those poignant and bittersweet months for 5th-grade parents, who are in the early stages of the difficult and lifelong parenting process called Letting Go.

The changes are small now. Ten and 11-year-olds may be more reluctant to hold hands with their parents, especially in public.  They may covet teen trappings — cell phones, instant messaging, or even video chats.

Parents sense that long-established elementary school relationships and habits are about to change, so naturally there is some anxiety about the future. And once again this year, that anxiety is compounded by the Department of Education’s failure to send out timely middle school notifications.

So while parents and teachers are busy planning yearbooks, end-of year concerts, and elementary school graduation ceremonies, they are still coming home to empty mailboxes. They still cannot tell their children where they will be going to school next year. And that is not okay.

Last year at this time, I had to comfort my now 6th-grader that news would be arriving soon, and that he’d be fine wherever he ended up. Yet like many parents around me, I couldn’t quite calm my own jumpy feelings every time I searched the mail. I hated not knowing.

The DOE vowed to fix the process this year, but without any specific reason, they have pushed back the date for notification again. Parents who are trying to figure out if they have to move – or forfeit deposits to private school – are particularly annoyed, as comments this week on Insideschools  have shown. Given that the supply of top-notch middle schools citywide nowhere near meets the demand for them, it’s understandable that parents want some answers.

The last few weeks of elementary school should be filled with sweet reminders of the beautiful and elusive nature of childhood. After all the bewildering touring, ranking, and interviewing the students did last fall to find a middle school, they deserve timely answers – and so do their parents.

With all the attention focused on kindergarten overcrowding, it’s important not to forget the middle school students who have yet to be matched with a high school they want to attend. It’s time for the Department of Education to stop boasting about how many more students got their first choice and imagine for a few minutes what it must feel like to be graduating next month and assigned to a high school you don’t want to go to — or still be scrambling to appeal a placement.

This is not an outcome a city, where less than half of high schoolers earn a diploma on time, can find acceptable. And the Department of Education simply has to find a way to place students like those detailed in this week’s Daily News story. Students like Ostap Paviliv, an honor student from Sheepshead Bay, or Max Hellerstein, a high scoring 8th-grader who got assigned to a fashion high school. What sense does that make? And what about Phoebe, middle-schooler from Manhattan who scored in the top 2 percent of all 7th-grade students and got exactly zero of her six first-round choices?

It’s outrageous that high-achieving students who have worked hard and fully expect to graduate and go on to college are in this limbo. The DOE’s response — that only 9 percent of 8th-graders did not get a match — is wholly inadequate. There needs to be a system in place that helps each and every one of these students find a proper placement.

Over the summer, some students with high school seats will move or perhaps choose parochial or private  schools instead.  High school seats will open at desirable, strong schools. Unmatched or mismatched students, who in some cases are near the top of their class, must be a DOE priority. It’s wrong to leave them stranded. These are kids and parents who believe in public education.  This city cannot and should not fail them.

My children came home from their middle school yesterday looking solemn and ashen-faced, and I knew immediately that something was up. They reported seeing hallways filled with sobbing 8th-graders who learned they did not get into their first, second or even third choice of high school. At least five, they said, were hysterical — they hadn’t been matched with any school at all. My 8th-grader, who got good news in February, felt terrible for some of his friends and classmates. My 6th-grader felt tremendous fear about what might happen to him. Some of the shut-out students had fine grades and test scores, so the kids now know that working hard in school doesn’t guarantee a successful high school match.

Earlier in the day, a press release from the Department of Education boasted that 86 percent (74,064) of the 86,169 students who applied for admission to a New York City public high school in 2009 were matched to one of their top five choices. Over half of the applicants – 51 percent (44,012) – received their first choice school, and 76 percent (65,780) got one of their top three schools.

Buried in the churn of seemingly good news was this incredible fact: some 7,455 students received no match at all. I’ve been writing about the high school selection process since September, and I can say there have been plenty of opportunities — exams, interviews, information fairs, notices about new high schools. Guidance counselors have been informative and helpful. I was both astonished and pleased at the many different types of high schools that exist. But through it all, the lurking fear remained — what happens if you don’t get a match?

I don’t think it’s fair for the DOE to claim success when close to 7,500 children in New York City didn’t get seats. I think that number is shamefully high. And I think there is something seriously wrong with this system. The high school admissions process is an enormously complicated and frightening ordeal that asks a lot of kids and parents. While it is true that many students had multiple fine choices, it is not okay to leave young adolescents out in the cold, sobbing in the hallways, feeling the sharp sting of rejection that in many cases was no fault of theirs.

InsideSchools wants to hear your story — as well your suggestions for a solution.

While awaiting word from the city’s specialized high schools this week, I found myself saying meaningless words to my anxious 13-year-old:“If we lived in the suburbs,” I told him, “You and your classmates would never be going through all this drama. You would all just go to the neighborhood high school.” My little speech meant nothing, however, because we have no intention of living in the ‘burbs, even if the New York City public high school process can drive parents to it.

By the time many city kids are ready for high school, they’ve developed an appreciation for riding the subway alone. They are ardent little city dwellers who can meet friends from dozens of different neighborhoods and all five boroughs at museums and movies and skating rinks without asking parents for a ride. Besides, most don’t want to move to the suburbs. But that doesn’t mean they like an arduous high school process of endless tours, tests, interviews, essays, ranking and a giant sorting out that seems arbitrary and mysterious.

Letters went out last week to the 29,000 applicants who took the exam for the eight specialty schools or auditioned for Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School. Some kids opened their letters with a mob of classmates, others found out in the office of their guidance counselors; others got handed the letter on the way out; some got the letters intercepted by their parents and some have still not heard.

Lots of parents don’t appreciate this system. Jennifer from Yorkville, posting on InsideSchools.org, expressed a widespread wish for a system of academically strong and varied neighborhood high schools and noted that she does not understand how school decisions are made.

How, for example, could a kid with a 70-average and a disciplinary record get into Stuyvesant? (Answer - the probably very bright, possibly under-motivated child tests well and the specialized exams are based only on one exam)

How can so many brilliant artists be turned away from LaGuardia? Why do so many talented actors and actresses get rejected, while some accomplished students with terrific grades and great test scores get turned down at their first, second and even third choices? How do schools like Beacon and Bard that are flooded with applicants that look similar on paper make the calls?

They never say, and I don’t have the answers, but if you think parents are mystified and anxious this week, just check in on Facebook posts. If you don’t have your own Facebook to compare notes with other parents, ask your child to share — if they are willing. You will see status updates about tears and depression, along with posts expressing anger, happiness and disgust about having to wait until late March for a “match.” The Facebook friends are offering one another words of comfort, like “everything happens for a reason,” or “Not everyone likes Stuyvesant anyway.”

There are discussions of how the wrong kids get in, along with notes and advice comparing the different schools and lots of the standard: “You rock dude!” and “congrats, ur awesome!”

The news in my household was what my 13-year-old music-obsessed son wanted: acceptance into LaGuardia. His joy was tempered in part by the sobbing in his school from those who were disappointed.

The main round matches won’t be announced till March. That’s enough time, as the city debates mayoral control, for parents and policy makers to think about revamping the high school system.

Rejection isn’t easy to take, no matter how it arrives. When my toddler son didn’t get accepted to a neighborhood pre-school more than 10 years ago, I was new to the concept of competition for education — a commonplace of New York City life. And because he could not read the letter, I saw no reason to explain: “Umm, you weren’t allowed to play Lego and learn the alphabet at School X because too many other three-year-olds wanted to do the same thing and there wasn’t enough room…”

Now, before high school, the stakes are much higher. On Thursday, about 27,000 eighth-graders will learn if they’ll be offered seats at one of the city’s eight specialized high schools. Fewer than 6,000 students scored high enough last year to earn entry. This year as last year, another 9,000 applicants vied for just 664 spots at Fiorello H. Laguardia. And this week, the kids who took the tests and auditioned will get their placement results.

Many parents worry about especially fierce competition this year, as private-school students and their families consider free public options. Regardless, thousands of bright, talented and deserving students may not be admitted to these schools at all. Those that do may have to settle for second and third choices.

How and where students learn the actual news can be public or private. Middle-school guidance counselors are the first to learn, on February 5th, the same day results are distributed to students. At my son’s school, kids can choose how they want to hear the news, and whether they’ll get word in front of their equally nervous friends, with middle school staff on hand. “In the past, our students have been very supportive of one another,” wrote my son’s guidance counselor in a note to parents. The school also offered to contact parents before the letters go out “so you can be aware and support your child.”

All this reminds me, in the pit of my stomach, just how it felt when I was hoping for a thick envelope from my first-choice college a lifetime ago. But now, I won’t be opening the letter. I’m grateful to my son’s middle school for taking the envelope out of my hands.

I hope the students will be kind and supportive of one another, no matter what news they get. And I hope that those who are disappointed by the specialized schools will match at high schools that suit their needs and interests.

I haven’t been through the entire process yet, but I can’t help wondering if there is a better system for matching students to city high schools. Suggestions, anyone?

I always know when the New York State tests are coming up, and not because I hire tutors or visit the many websites that offer practice tests and tips, including the state education department.

It starts with my younger son’s sniffles. They become more pronounced in the days before the test. A sore throat is next, then complaints of a headache.

A visit to the school nurse follows. The whole body, it seems, is aching.

Later, I can count on a night-time visitor. I will be quizzed on how many hours of sleep are needed to be considered a good night’s sleep. (Answer: more than I got with so many interruptions). A request to stay home follows, and a new round of questions begins: “Do the sixth-grade tests count for high school?” the sixth-grader asks between sniffles.

After years of taking tests, he’s attuned to the concept that fourth-grade exams matter because middle schools see them. And because he has an eighth-grade brother, he’s overheard all the conversation about finding a high school in our household and knows that high schools do take into account scores on the seventh-grade exam.

So how do I answer? My first impulse is to be reassuring: relax, don’t worry, you’ll do fine, just do your best.

As a veteran New York City public school parent, though, I know the best schools are highly competitive.

There aren’t enough seats in the best schools for all who choose them. So as much as I’d like to downplay the tests, I do hope my sons will bring home high scores.

I know, too, that you can’t possibly fully prepare a child for the city’s specialized high schools and tell them their score isn’t important, when in fact the score determines who gets into prestigious and coveted institutions like Stuyvesant or Bronx High School of Science.

The annual tests our children begin taking in third-grade have not been without controversy: a coalition of parents, educators, and other state leaders have long called for a break and a review of what they call “excessive high stakes exams.”

The schools my children have attended have managed to balance test preparation with the rest of the curriculum, so it hasn’t seemed oppressive. (Well, to me, of course. The kids have complained mightily about vacation packets of practice exams.)

I think I may have dodged this year’s “do-they-count?” question with a promise to rent a movie or watch the mindless and annoying American Idol and by focusing on the good news that there’s usually no homework during test week.

I’m not sure it will quell my sixth-grader’s anxiety. I will ask how the tests went, but I’d still rather talk about what books he’s reading and what he’s learning in class.

And if he wakes me up again this week with a stomach-ache or sore throat, I’ll tell him the truth: High schools do not look at the sixth-grade tests.

Which means he can start worrying now about his seventh-grade exams.

It isn’t easy getting information from a 13-year-old, which is one reason I’m at least mildly curious about the interviews my son had as part of the torturous high school application process.

“So how did it go?’’ I asked, after he at least managed to find the high schools in question on his own and arrive on time. “I don’t know,’’ came his non-committal reply.

As a New York City public school parent and veteran of pre-school hysteria, I’ve been down this road before. Ten years ago, I remember dressing him in little checkered overalls and tiny red shoes for his first “interview,’’ at one of the highly competitive pre-schools in our neighborhood. I crossed my fingers and hoped his potty training would hold up, and that he would not grab another child’s toy or start screaming. After successfully steering a plastic fire truck on a gym floor, he was accepted into a lovely church nursery school and spent three joyous years playing Lego, learning letters, and building sand castles.

Segue to elementary school at PS 150 in Tribeca, where all fifth-graders got preparation for answering middle school interview questions. He managed to get through that okay as well.

But high school interviews are different. The stakes are far higher now as the most selective and coveted schools rank their top candidates in a process that has included everything from separate exams to portfolio and report card reviews and recommendation letters.

“So what did you talk about?’’ I persisted. “Nothing much,’’ he replied. I can only hope he was a bit more articulate to whoever was sitting across from him and taking notes at the time.

“We talked about a lot of stuff,’’ I finally got. A little probing revealed some fairly creative and interesting questions on the parts of the reviewers, who have typically included teachers, former students, parent coordinators, and school officials. Some interviews were more like a conversation, with book questions and a discussion of popular movie like “Twilight’’ and shows like “South Park.’’

One question caught my attention. “If you could design the perfect high school, what would it have?’’ It wasn’t asked of me, but I’ve decided to take a crack anyway. I’ll have to keep the answer within both public school and New York City limitations. (Forget about outdoor space, athletic fields, a campus, and class sizes under 20.)

How about a challenging curriculum and a rich menu of performing opportunities in the arts, including music and drama, along with classes (preferably) or clubs in studio arts, photography, and video?

Why not add well-equipped science labs along with community service options, field trips, and opportunities? Oh, I would really appreciate an exciting choice of after school activities, an array of sports teams (both competitive and intramural) and a caring, kind cadre of teachers and administrators who know most kids by name. Advanced placement and/or International Baccalaureate (IB) programs are highly appreciated as well, as are guidance counselors who understand the college application process in and out but are also sensitive enough to elicit responses from simple questions like: “How did it go?’’ What about schools that offer excellent, challenging English language studies for new speakers — over and above the International High Schools — and strong learning options across all city high schools for kids with special needs?

An eighth-grader enduring the maddening admissions process and trying to get a top public school education in New York City might be afraid to answer that question.

And I can’t say I blame them.

If anyone tells you the high school process in New York City is relatively painless, don’t believe them. Would you believe someone who told you they breezed through high school and loved every moment of it?

Essays, interviews, test and portfolio preparation and auditions eat up nights and weekends for you and your 13-year-old. Taking tours (when you remember to sign up and aren’t shut out) guarantees being late for work. Open houses mean waiting on line. As the deadline (Dec. 2) approaches, another parent’s opinion may have to substitute for real information.

Students can list up to 12 choices, although they’ll get just one offer. Students are assigned to high schools based on how they rank them and how they are ranked by the schools. Harvard University’s Dean of Admissions William Fitzsimmons, whose territory includes New York City, told me he’s always known “that it’s much more difficult to get into any school in New York than it is to get into Harvard.’’ I’m sure I’ll be better at this by the time we are looking for colleges, but I feel like I fell down on the job this fall: We are putting three high schools on the list that we hope would be acceptable, based on reports from Insideschools.org, even though we couldn’t make the tours.

Conversations around lists and rankings are starting to sound remarkably familiar and repetitive. For example, if Beacon really is everyone’s first choice for a non-specialty high school, can what they are doing please be replicated and spread out a bit? After all, Beacon received 4,600 applications last year for just 262 spots. New York City parents are willing to do the hard work of finding, touring, ranking and then supporting good public high schools — as long as we are assured of having good choices. Schools that offer a rich program of arts, clubs and sports, along with plenty of advanced courses and an enthusiastic staff will naturally have enormous appeal to both parents and to kids. High schools like Millennium, where the student tour guides gushed about how happy they are, made a huge impression. Schools with overcrowded classrooms where we watched students doze through lessons were less appealing, as was a school where kids appeared to be working extremely hard but never cracked a smile.

With choice comes the hope that you will find a good fit for your child at a time when fitting in counts enormously. High school can be a really painful time, and in case you don’t recall, try renting some old films about high schools like the 1985 John Hughes classic “The Breakfast Club.’’ Stereotyped characters are all there: the jock, the nerdy geek, the popular beauty queen, the angry misfit. The giant suburban Illinois high school in “The Breakfast Club” has little in common with the kinds of schools we’ve been touring in New York City, but the harrowing and heartfelt pain of trying to fit in seemed instantly recognizable. And after all the hard work we’ve done already, no matter where any of our kids end up, they’ll have to figure it out.

My 13-year-old son turned to me on Sunday morning with the first expression of genuine interest – and fear – since the search for a New York City public high school began this fall. He made this solemn declaration: “What happens today,” he said, as we raced out the door for his audition at the Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School of Music, Art & the Performing Arts, “will determine the rest of my life.”

For a moment, my stomach seized with butterflies. I envisioned thousands of hopeful eighth-grade actresses, musicians, dancers and artists from all over the city waiting for their own Big Chance. The collective anxiety and excitement overwhelmed me.

Would I remember my lines?

Wait, I had to remind myself. I was not a character in “A Chorus Line,” but simply a harried mom, like so many others in New York City, wanting the best education and opportunity for my child in the highly competitive world of public high school admissions. For many of us, that has already meant preparing our children to sit through the specialized high school exams, dragging them on tours and overseeing efforts to secure letters of recommendation, prepare portfolios and write essays.

There is only so much a parent can do, though, and yesterday’s tryout reminded me of that once again.

Since early November, the arbiters of talent at LaGuardia have spent weekends listening, taking notes and evaluating every applicant – some twice, with callbacks already underway. If the stakes feel extraordinarily high, it is because they are. Last year, according to the school’s website, some 9,000 applicants vied for 664 spots in art, dance, drama, instrumental music, technical theatre and/or vocal music. Founded in 1936 by then Mayor Fiorello H. LaGuardia, the school began its life as the High School of Music & Art, a place where the city’s most gifted and talented musicians and artists could get free, top-notch instruction while also pursuing a full academic program. A 1961 merger with the School of Performing Arts followed by a 1984 move to a Lincoln Center facility with a concert hall and theater paved the way for what is now LaGuardia Arts. The astonishing list of famous alumni includes conductors, producers, composers and actors like Al Pacino and Jennifer Aniston.

A strong academic program with a full menu of honors and advanced placement courses ensures that graduates routinely attend some of the finest and most competitive colleges and universities in the U.S. They also get extensive training from top experts in their specialty area, and unsurpassed opportunities to produce and perform.

As my son and I walked into LaGuardia, I mumbled something about how one audition could not possibly determine a lifetime, about the many other excellent high schools where he’d also be happy. He didn’t hear a word. I once again offered food. He once again refused.

We immediately ran into plenty of nervous but cool-on-the-outside parents. My son saw many of his equally anxious classmates. Parents were politely told to get lost; kids were ushered toward their specialty area and asked to answer an essay question about why they wanted to go to LaGuardia. Eventually, they got their chance to play, perform, draw or show their portfolio. About two and a half hours after I left the building, my cell phone rang. The tryout was over. I remained calm.

“How did it go?” I asked casually.

“It was AWFUL,” he said.

My heart sank. I’d heard him play the same two songs on the piano so often for so many months that I’d find myself shouting, “STOP PRACTICING!” He knew them cold. What went wrong?

“Awful?” I gulped, my heart sinking.

“No, not awful. AWESOME!” he replied. “It’s over! I did my best. Can we go home now?”

I took a deep breath, which I’ll be holding until sometime in February.

by Liz Willen

When I first visited the Lab School for Collaborative Studies three years ago, I hoped my oldest son, then a fifth-grader, would rank it first on his middle school list. Lab has always attracted top students and teachers, and in the classrooms we visited, students seemed engaged and excited about what they were learning. The quality of art and writing on the walls stood out. I liked the whole idea of collaborative learning, but I especially loved the idea that if he got into Lab, he could stay for high school, because Lab spans grades 6 through 12.

As it turned out, my son, who loves both art and writing, preferred the Clinton School for Artists and Writers, in part because he’d heard “too many cruel stories about the homework at Lab.” Clinton was a great choice, but alas, it has no high school. Like tens of thousands of equally harried city parents, we are on the tour circuit once again, climbing stairways, peeking into labs, and earnestly discussing what we like — or don’t like — about each school. I’m certain I’m the one having more of those conversations, however. My tour-weary son seems to sleep through many of the question-and-answer periods, although he certainly checks out the neighborhoods and finds out if the kids are allowed to leave school for lunch.

With great curiosity, we checked out Lab’s high school this week, where I learned something that would have made me furious if he were a student there now. Lab can no longer give preference to its own middle-schoolers; all applicants from Manhattan’s District Two have the same priority status for the 138 Lab high school seats. That means if you have a kid at Lab who wants to stay, you have to apply and rank it first, just like any other District Two applicant.

It’s enormously complicated and competitive to find and get into great public schools in the city. That’s why Lab seemed like such an obvious choice to me a few years back – why not choose a middle school attached to a highly-regarded high school? Why not skip these mornings of coming late into work and pulling your child out of classes to wander scuffed linoleum corridors and peer into classrooms like unwanted guests, all the time sniffing that universal school-lunch smell that brings me back to the the crumbling fishsticks and rubbery hotdogs of my childhood.

While it’s true that some Lab middle school students leave anyway — preferring the larger specialized high schools or other options — many families depended on the back-up of staying put. I know I would’ve.

Lab principal Brooke Jackson didn’t spend a lot of time talking about the new policy, and seemed much happier fielding specific questions about the school. She articulated its values, which include a fierce regard for pluralism and diversity. And she detailed the rich educational opportunities that await students who learn together and from one another, all part of the school’s well-established philosophy. The students we met seemed passionate about their high school and the many opportunities to learn. They spoke of participating in clubs that examine breakfast cereals — and others that explore Marxist philosophy. Lab offers plenty of challenging academics and sports (but little music, to my son’s disappointment). I’m not sure where he’ll rank Lab this time, but I’m sure of one thing – parents and kids who may have already invested a lot of time and energy into one school can’t possibly appreciate rule changes that might force them out.

A week of bad budget and economic news does not bode well for the city’s high schools. The New York Daily News reported that the city’s newly downsized capital plan includes plans for just two new high schools—even though 59% of the city’s high schoolers spend their days in overcrowded buildings.

Parents and kids who are currently searching for high schools can’t help notice how many kids are inside the classrooms we visit. I counted more than 40 on one of my tours this fall, and I noticed just how cramped the room felt.

At one school, I saw at least one or two kids nodding off during a calculus class. The teacher mostly likely couldn’t even see them—or he didn’t want to take away from the rest of his lesson by trying to wake them up.

I know that some high schools have split sessions and that some kids are attending class in trailers. I wonder what it’s like to be a student in an overcrowded high school or to teach in one.

As I was nearly squished and barely able to breathe on my morning commute today, I thought about city kids who travel long distances on jammed subways only to squeeze themselves into crowded classrooms and hallways. There really is such a thing as too much human contact.

by Liz Willen

As a veteran of both middle school and high school tours (not to mention the many college tours I’ve been on as an education journalist), I’m getting really sick of the will-my-child-get-in question. It’s become as annoying as the incessant “are we there yet?” mantra from the back seat of the car.

Of course, in the highly competitive world we inhabit, it’s only natural to freak out a bit about high-school admission, particularly when criteria are so vague.

Top New York City high schools that don’t require the specialized high school exam – schools like Baruch College Campus High School and Lab School for Collaborative Studies, for example – might ask for an average of 85 and above and 3s or 4s on the seventh-grade math and ELA exams. Since thousands of students meet these requirements, the number of applicants far exceeds the spaces. No wonder parents and kids are anxious about who will make the cut.

In the interest of holding public high schools and educators accountable and making sure that all high schools – not just the most coveted ones – are performing, I’m going to suggest moving the conversation toward judging and evaluating schools. In that contest, it’s important to know that New York’s not alone. Most U.S. high schools aren’t doing so well.

Judy Codding, president of America’s Choice, provided a host of useful questions and some data about U.S. high schools at a conference for journalists on high school reform. (In the interest of full disclosure, I helped run it, for the Hechinger Institute on Education and the Media.)

Codding presented some frightening numbers about the state of U.S. high schools. For example:

• Two out of 10 students who leave middle school are not ready for a rigorous high school core curriculum

• Teachers indicate that they spend a quarter to a third of their time each year re-teaching what should have been learned in earlier grades

• Approximately 1.2 million students who enter ninth grade fail to graduate four years later

• While nationally 70% of students graduate from high school on time, just over half of African-American and Hispanic students meet that goal (NB: In New York City, the numbers for boys of color are even lower. -hz)

• Three out of four high school graduates who take a core curriculum are not prepared for entry-level college courses

• Nearly a third students entering post-secondary education need remedial courses in one or more subjects

Codding, who has served as a high school principal in communities from Pasadena, California to Scarsdale, New York, suggests asking for statistics and data on every tour. Some other tips:

• Ask how prepared the incoming ninth-graders are and what the school is doing to make sure they get prepared.

• Ask about the teachers. Are most of them brand new? Did the principal get a say in who he or she hired? How are they assigned to classes? Do the strongest teachers teach the brightest kids? Who works with the school’s most challenging population?

• Ask how student performance is tracked, and what policies and practices either need to be put in place or removed to improve student performance?

• Ask about the school’s four-year graduation rate (this information is also posted on the Insideschools’ profiles in the gray box with other helpful school statistics).

Sheer numbers dictate that not all of our children will be accepted into the top tier schools. Let’s push instead to improve the options within all city high schools. One way to do that is by visiting a larger variety of schools and asking lots of questions – and holding educators accountable for the answers.

As the high school search for my eighth-grader intensifies, I’ve been reading up on some interesting and relatively new schools. All are far from where we live and not at all convenient: Frank Sinatra High School of the Arts (which will soon move to Astoria); The Brooklyn Latin School in Bushwick and the High School of American Studies at Lehman College in the Bronx, for example.

I cannot get my eighth-grader to even visit, and a small part of me can’t blame him. If you worked on Wall Street and lived a few blocks away in Tribeca, you might not care much about great deals on homes an hour away, in Flushing or Marine Park.

It’s not surprising that a kid who has always attended schools less than 25 minutes away can’t fathom the thought of spending more than two hours a day squeezed in on a subway, even though tens of thousands of city kids do it every day. Without trying, I’ve raised something of a real estate snob when it comes to choosing a high school. But in the same way that economic reality can interfere with real estate dreams, sheer competition intrudes on the high school search and forces many students and their parents to search far and wide for options. The competition for the top high schools in a city where the supply for quality public education in no way comes close to meeting demand.

For example, while glancing through the most recent edition of Clara Hemphill’s “New York City’s Best Public High Schools,” I nearly choked when contemplating the competition at top schools, including specialized high schools like Stuyvesant and Bronx Science. Last year, 27,720 students sat for the SHSAT exam; 5,391, or just under 20%, scored high enough to make the cut.

Non-specialized schools are in high demand, too: For example, the DOE’s high school directory says that Bard Early College High School received 2886 applications for 152 seats. At the familiar swath of popular Manhattan schools — Beacon, Baruch, Eleanor Roosevelt, Lab and Millennium High Schools — applicants regularly outstrip available seats: 4600 applicants for 262 spots at Beacon, 3418 applicants for 140 places at Millennium. (Ed note: It’s important to remember that students rank up to 12 schools on their high-school application, so someone who applies for Beacon can and probably does apply to the other schools listed above, inflating what’s already staggering to a new level.)

The “getting in” question is sure to come up on tours of these selective schools and unfortunately takes up conversation better devoted to teacher quality, course offerings, school philosophy and curriculum. But who can blame parents, when the competition is so fierce and the choices within Manhattan so coveted?

By the time it comes to finding a college, we’ll all be seasoned pros. Small comfort during this intense, competitive, confusing process.

By Liz Willen

“Excuse me,” a woman’s voice said to me this week, as I waited with what felt like thousands of other parents and children on West 61st Street to get inside the Beacon School for an open house. “What are they giving away? What is everyone waiting for?”

“A good education,” I replied. “And yes, it’s free.”

As I examined the large number of students in New York City private-school blazers or logos waiting for the open house, I wondered briefly if our flagging economy is creating even more interest in the city’s best public high schools, with some Wall Streeters suddenly forced to find alternatives.

Perhaps, but more likely the long wait to get in signified the same old truth I have already discovered when searching for good middle schools in the city — demand outstrips supply. And Beacon has the right combination of challenging academics, an interesting curriculum and extensive after-school sports and extracurriculuar activites. The students milling about outside politely answered questions and spoke with enormous enthusiasm about their school, started 16 years ago by principal Ruth Lacey.

“It’s been a wonderful journey,” Lacey told parents and students who packed the library. Even she looked a bit taken aback by the enormous crowds and Beacon’s popularity.

We are too early in the tour process to have much to compare it with, but Beacon seems like an ideal school for kids who love to learn in both traditional and non-traditional ways. There were plenty of advanced placement courses and community service opportunities, and the teachers seemed engaged and excited.

When the tour was over, I wanted to stick around and visit a few more classrooms, but my son was already out the door, reminding me that I’m not the one going to high school next year.

Too bad, because if I was, I’d for sure choose a school like Beacon. And so will thousands of other students — who won’t get in, because there isn’t enough room.

Why can’t there be more schools like Beacon in New York City?

Liz Willen writes High School Hustle, about the high school admissions process, but her younger son has joined his brother in middle school, thus, this post.

One day, I will be a recovering middle school parent. In the meantime, I find myself either losing my temper or shaking my head and laughing at the various mishaps that accompany middle-school independence.

In my household, it began last week with the eighth-grader’s wallet — lost, lost! — along with the MetroCard and cash inside.

Recovered later under a chair.

Later in the week, a language-arts notebook crisis: an entry worked on for hours the night before gone, gone! A mad scramble, shouting, searching. The notebook turns up several hours later (too late for the morning commute), mistakenly placed inside another backpack. The sixth-grader is late for school.

All is well for at least a day, until mysteriously the eighth-grader’s wallet disappears — again! “I think I was pickpocketed,” he explains earnestly.

We talk about being more careful on the subway. He prepares to ask his school for another MetroCard when the call comes in: “We found your son’s wallet with MetroCard and cash inside on the floor,” a school aide says.

A friend’s seventh-grader keeps coming home with absolutely everything in his backpack. When she wondered why he couldn’t put anything away, he pointed out that he can no longer use his locker. Why? Because the food he left inside it a week earlier inspired a roach invasion, and he can’t bear to open it up.

Another friend says her child brings home nothing but a few scraps of paper. What about the planner? What planner?

As parents, we can simply stop bugging them and let our middle schoolers rise and fall on their own. Instead, most of us are once again making lists and begging our children to check them off and remember what they need — and don’t need — every day.

Saturday was one of those perfect Indian summer days. The beach beckoned; the greenmarkets overflowed with pungent basil and ripe produce; tourists marched in droves over the Brooklyn Bridge to see the waterfalls. I pulled my reluctant 12-year-old out of bed and headed to the jam-packed citywide high school fair at Brooklyn Tech.

“But I don’t want to go to Brooklyn Tech,” he complained. The fair, I replied calmly, would be a chance to ask questions of hundreds of students, counselors, principals and others about their high schools all over the city.

The Department of Education has provided lots of opportunities to learn about the high school process, which is far more daunting, overwhelming and confusing than the one we just participated in to find a middle school. The fair was one of them, and I did learn a few things. I spoke to some energetic and devoted teachers at the up-and-coming Brooklyn Latin, and I came away totally impressed. I learned more about specialty high school exams and how to rank the schools. I discovered there are lots of new and innovative high schools worth checking out. I finally found out when some open house dates might be for schools on our (well, let’s be frank) on my list.

“So what did you learn at the high school fair?” I asked my son as we huffed up and downstairs to find schools that interest him. It came as no surprise to find they were also the schools with the biggest crowds: for example, Bard, Beacon, Millennium, Stuyvesant and his current obsession, LaGuardia. “I learned a lot of people want to go to LaGuardia,” he said.

When we got home, he spent two hours practicing for his audition in November. Our next step will be to visit some open houses and to have another one of those “you can’t put all your eggs in basket,” talks. It’s great to know what you want – even if you have yet to see it or experience it — but it’s also important to get a good sense of different high schools and what they offer.

The first step in our family’s New York City public high school search did not involve delving into our growing piles of books, papers and test prep brochures, gathered at various information sessions.

We watched the movie “Fame,’’ that 1980 classic set at the old New York City High School for the Performing Arts, which became the Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts. It seemed like a better idea than shoving a pile of materials in front of my 12-year-old and pointing out that there are more than 400 high schools to choose from. “So, where do you want to go? Take a look and rank them from 1 to 12!’’ My musician son has thought very little about high school (didn’t we just choose a middle school?) but he does know about LaGuardia, even if we’ve never set foot in the place and can’t figure out when the next open house is.

“Fame” is a bit outdated. The students looked about 25, as far as we could tell, but we followed their hopes, dreams, and struggles with rapt interest. Afterwards, we talked a bit about competition, and about what auditions for LaGuardia might be like. We discussed the wisdom of entering high school with enormous focus and ambition at such a young age. Well, maybe ‘discussed’ isn’t the right word, I probably talked about the importance of combining passion for the arts with the strongest academic and college-preparatory curriculum possible; my son probably nodded and did his best to ignore me. It’s time to take the next step, so we’ll head to Brooklyn Tech on Saturday for the citywide high school fair. Even though there are more than 400 high schools to choose from, I have a feeling the crowds will gather in front of about 20 of the best-known. I doubt it will be as much fun as watching “Fame,’’ but at least it’s a start.

We’re happy to welcome back Insideschools guest blogger and school-search veteran Liz Willen. And for the record, LaGuardia has open houses for accepted students; the school does not offer public tours prior to admission.

by Liz Willen

There’s no way of getting around the constant search for schools in New York City — from getting into pre-kindergarten (far more complicated than necessary this year) to finding a good neighborhood school to choosing a district with enough reasonable middle school choices to mitigate the nagging “what’s next?” anxiety that accompanies raising kids here.

But pluses like diversity, excitement, culture, and the thrill of outdoor movies, music and river-art waterfalls, all within easy commuting distance, become meaningless for parents who do not believe their children can obtain a first-rate education in the New York City public school system. That’s why word-of-mouth makes the best schools instantly popular, and why landlords hold enormous power in neighborhoods graced with good schools.

New York City living is a series of trade-offs. You give up on the idea of a backyard in favor of a public park or playground, convince your children that all siblings share their bedrooms (or sleep in rooms that resemble monastery cells), forgo owning a car or move it constantly — and pay those pesky parking tickets when you forget. It’s all a lot easier to take if you feel good about the schools.

All of this became even more sharply apparent to me recently when a West Coast colleague without New York City know-how or connections who was moving here in a big hurry wanted help and advice. She wanted the basics, which can feel impossible: a decent apartment near a good neighborhood public school that would welcome her children as newcomers.

She figured she could accomplish this in one weekend.

I turned her onto to Insideschools.org and gave her a list of some of the most well known and loved schools near hew new job in lower Manhattan — PS 150, PS 234 and PS 89. A quick look at listings made it clear that a two-bedroom in these areas would cost at least $5,600, so lower Manhattan was quickly ruled out.

Then it was on to Brooklyn, where principals and parent coordinators were warm and welcoming — and some landlords asked for as many as five months’ rent as security, in advance. Prices were still killer — a fifth-floor walk-up “bargain” was nearly $3,000 a month. The second ‘bedroom’ owed its existence to a door on a walk-in closet.

The apartment could not be instantly discounted, though, as it had the huge advantage of being zoned for PS 321, long established as one of the city’s best.

Such high prices forced my colleague toward a wider search and scrutiny of other, less-commuting-convenient neighborhoods, with schools that were less well known, but equally loved by hard-working parents and staff.

For a renter in a hurry, it’s turning out to be a lot more homework. She’s coming back, but convinced she’ll have to look at the high cost of renting near the schools she wants as “tuition.”

That’s life in New York City.

For me, the clearest indication that my son’s childhood as he knew it was a thing of the past started with the cupcakes.

At a middle school orientation two years ago, I was the ridiculously out-of-touch mother who raised my hand in a crowded gym and innocently asked if it was still okay to bring cupcakes to celebrate a birthday in sixth-grade.

The crowd laughed. The principal rolled his eyes. I blushed and learned an important lesson about this next stage of life, which I’ve dubbed The Age of Embarrassment. It’s time for parents to back off.

Parents are all over the best elementary schools, organizing fund-drives and bake sales and penny drives, going on field trips, and yes — carrying in those giant tupperware boxes filled with cupcakes.

Not so in middle school. Two years ago, I took my sixth grader on the first day. On the second day, I walked a few blocks behind. (Could anything be worse than being seen with an actual parent?) and after that, he traveled mostly with his friends or alone. Now, if I want to stop by the school, I can’t take the same entrance.

Birthdays? Forget it. He doesn’t want anyone to know.

Not all middle schoolers become this self-conscious, of course, and none of this means middle schools don’t need support from parents — they do, more than ever! My best advice to soon-to-be middle school parents is to ask other parents how they handled the transition — and find out from the principal, parent coordinator and the PTA what’s most needed. Trust me, there is plenty to do.

Today, we said goodbye to my younger son’s elementary school, to teachers, parents and staff we knew for so many years they felt like family. There were hugs, tears and presents and then it was over.

It’s almost time to pack up all the stuffed animals and Dr. Seuss books too, reminders of the elusive and transitory nature of childhood. But first, though, I’m going to bake a batch of cupcakes. They may not be for a class party, but they’ll still fill the kitchen with the smell of childhood.

by Liz Willen

After two middle school searches in three years, I wish I could pretend to be the seasoned pro, generous with wisdom, advice and pitfalls to avoid. But even though we did our homework carefully, visited lots of schools in District 2, and listened to the words of teachers, guidance counselors and district officials, we discovered that the middle school admissions process did not work well this year. Confusion and misinformation triumphed.

Part of it is a supply and demand problem, of course. There simply aren’t enough good public middle schools in New York City, and as more parents choose to raise their children here and want to support public education, something has to change — quickly. Demand for the best public elementary schools is on the rise, leading inevitably to crowding and more competition. So clearly, there is a need to improve the city’s middle schools.

For the record, my complaints are not directed at the personal situation my family finds ourselves in. My now seventh-grader two years ago chose the Clinton School for Artists and Writers, where the language arts program has been absolutely outstanding. The teachers, principal and parent coordinators are warm, welcoming and approachable. Truth is, there should be more schools like Clinton everywhere. And more like Lab, Salk, MAT and East Side Middle School, to name a few of the terrific schools we’ve toured, some of them twice.

Two years ago, our middle-school search went well. We gave lots of schools careful consideration before ranking Clinton first of five choices. By April, it was over.

My current fifth-grader’s class didn’t fare as well. Graduation is Friday and several of his classmates are shut out of all of their choices, as are children all over the city.

The appeals process is underway. No one knows how it will go. This year decisions did not come in until mid-June. Many kids got the wrong letters. Some didn’t get letters at all, leaving it to the patient elementary school guidance counselors, parent coordinators and principals to help sort things out.

How were decisions made? No one can say for sure, but we do know that the Department of Education decided to centralize the process — meaning, take it out of the hands of the schools and districts, even though it was working well.

Did principals even look at applications this year? Was it just a numbers game, test scores and the like? I’m thinking about the carefully crafted hand-written notes my son and some of his friends wrote to their first-choice schools, describing why they wanted to be there. And those art and writing projects they attached?

Julie Shapiro wrote a good piece in the Downtown Express, describing the frustration and shock many families whose children are shut out of schools now feel. If I had a child entering fifth-grade next year, I’d be very concerned. Will the process be changed? If so, how? What should parents know? Whatever is decided, it’s critical that schools, district officials, principals, parent coordinators and guidance counselors give out THE SAME INFORMATION, which was not at all the case this year.

My younger son, as it turns out, is also going to Clinton and I feel lucky. But I’m sick about all the great kids left hanging, and the unfortunate impression of contempt the Department of Education is showing to children and families who truly want to be here and support city schools.

Delays, confusion and misinformation have marked the middle school choice process this year, and it is simply unacceptable. This is a perfect example of the Department of Education putting children last. Principals and guidance counselors in the elementary and middle schools have tried to be patient and reassuring and worked hard to get answers that either keep changing — or apparently do not exist.

This year was confusing from start to finish. We couldn’t schedule tours in the fall, then — suddenly — we could! Parents who got the information somehow signed up, others found themselves shut out, only to have tours open again in December in January.

The deadlines for notification kept changing as well, leaving kids and parents on edge for way too long. Last week, in one Brooklyn school where the kids were becoming unbearably antsy, the school just typed up their own letter from the list they got from the DOE and handed them out in class — not the best strategy for kids who got disappointing news.

Imagine telling your 10 or 11-year-old child, who for months has been waiting to hear from one of the five carefully chosen middle schools they selected after endless touring, that they did not get into ANY of them.

That has happened to several families I know in Manhattan, and it’s an issue in Brooklyn as well, with children being assigned to middle schools that they did not apply to — or left without a middle school altogether, and directed to a second admissions round.

Are these kids with troubled records or academic difficulties? ABSOLUTELY NOT. In the cases I’m aware of, these are great kids, with solid test scores and the kinds of families who organize special events and field trips, volunteer endlessly and make it clear in everything they say and do that they support public education in New York City.

There are no pat answers or explanations either, because no one knows with much certainty how decisions were made, especially for the highly valued ones that are overwhelmed with applications.

It is not okay to simply accept that in any choice-based process, some children will get left out. That is not an outcome that we must simply live with. It’s too early to say how the appeals process will work in these cases, but in the meantime kids and families are suffering unecessary anxiety and pain.

It is not okay to promise answers by early May, and deliver them six weeks later with no explanation at all. If Schools Chancellor Joel Klein’s idea was to equalize the process, where is he now with the explanation, the apology and a plan to fix the problems?

The fault lies in the idea that the DOE decided at some point to “centralize,” both pre-k and middle school choice this year, perhaps to make life easier for administrators. That’s the only explanation I’ve seen in the New York Times last week.

The New York Daily News has also tried to get answers: The explanation? First time the DOE had coordinated the processes in different districts.

That’s not good enough. And it simply doesn’t resonate with kids and families who are spending this month trying to get answers — and trying to reassure their children that indeed, everything will work out, when they really can’t say those words with much confidence.

Two years ago when my older son went through middle school choice and the district was in charge, the tours ran on time, notification came by April and questions asked were answered.

Let’s get some answers now.

During the long wait to hear about middle school acceptance, I’ve had the chance to think about about what really matters during the often awkward and uncomfortable years.

By now, many parents have already analyzed academic programs, test scores, class size, location and any specialties they feel will be the right fit. That makes the wait a bit harder, because all those questions may have been discussed and circulated in your household or with your child’s classroom teacher for more than year. Tell us already, please!

In the meantime, I’m equally concerned with keeping my middle school kids participating in as many sports and activities as possible, some of which may be in jeopardy next year due to budget cuts.

City dwellers who’ve opted to raise kids in apartment buildings have learned early on the need for finding playgrounds, sports and outside activities. Unless you are comfortable putting your child in front of a television sets and video games for entertainment, your children may have already alienated your neighbors, with say, too many games of indoor soccer or football or furniture doubling as trampolines.

Once kids get to middle school, where everything said, done and worn is potentially embarrassing, their need to keep moving is even more essential. But few middle schools have full sports programs, a big topic of conversation this week at tryouts for the travel teams at Downtown United Soccer League, where my two boys have played on travel teams on and off for the last three years.

Many of the parents there wished their children’s middle schools had the capacity to train and sponsor competitive sports teams after school.

We know that middle school educators absolutely understand the need to keep kids moving. This spring, their efforts let to something extraordinary: A series of track and field events that allowed kids to compete in events like the long jump, shot put, and 75-yard-dash. Over 120 city schools and 30,000 children will now have a chance to compete at Icahn Stadium on June 21st.

The series started five years ago when three District Two teachers decided to hold a small meet in Chinatown. The movement has grown, fueled by coaches and teachers who are not getting paid for the extra time and effort it takes to train and build teams, not to mention the time it takes to transport them to meets and events. Many coaches are working without gyms, fields or equipment.

Manhattan Academy of Technology in Chinatown has had tremendous success in creating and sustaining a sports program, and is now pushing hard to get programs off the ground for other schools as well. This week, they are holding a meeting to discuss creation of a soccer league.

All these efforts must be applauded and supported, and parents should fight hard for sports and extra programs that may be threatened. Keeping our children in top shape and engaged in fun and healthy after school activities gives them confidence and a sense of well-being — and it saves a lot of furniture, too.

This has been a tough month for public school parents and activists in New York City, the kind who fight for better schools, support the ones their children attend and try to convince friends, neighbors and other parents to do the same.

These activists know that simply registering your child and walking away is not an option if you want enhanced art, music and science programs, to name just a few. They volunteer at lunch and at recess and run auctions, bake sales and endless fundraisers to create better programs for all children. And they are pretty sick of all the finger-pointing about whose fault it is when school budgets are cut.

Many of the most ardent public education supporters began battling for better schools in pre-kindergarten, but now they’ve discovered there are no certain spots in such programs — and that even kindergarten in their zoned neighborhood schools cannot be taken for granted due to overcrowding.

They can’t necessarily count on a spot a high-performing middle school either, because of a supply and demand discrepancy that exists when it comes to the best schools — and because some districts and neighborhoods don’t have a lot of appealing choices.

One of the most painful moments came last week, when Chancellor Joel Klein announced he’d have to make cuts as high as 6 percent at some of the most attractive and sought-after places like the Salk School of Science, where some 45 percent of 8th graders receive offers to attend the specialized high schools. Salk faces a cut of $133,762, or 5.25 percent. Klein told reporters that 74 schools would face cuts of more than 5 percent.

Klein is putting all the blame on state government in Albany, maintaining that state rules have restricted the way the city can spend education money, despite the historic lawsuit that was supposed to bring billions of dollars into underfunded schools. He says state officials are not allowing him to use $63 million in state aid to close a $99 million city budget deficit before that budget is due June 30.

Parents aren’t buying it, as the New York Times pointed out last week, nor should they. (The City Council, which must approve the mayor’s budget, isn’t buying it either.) The average New York City public parent activist is too busy looking for decent public schools, fighting to maintain the ones their kids already attend and raising ever more money (like I said, it’s a lot of cupcakes and rummage sales) to get caught in the middle of despicable politics as usual.

Does Klein think he’s going to be a hero if he announces he suddenly won’t have to make such deep cuts after all? Unlikely. Regent Merryl Tisch recently told NY1 News that the “ugly political battle” was creating enormous uncertainty about programs and staffing for next year.

That amounts to angst on top of anxiety. Say you are an activist 5th-grade parent who has long hoped your child would get into an excellent middle school like Salk. Number one, you haven’t heard yet — for some unexplained reason, the middle school process has been delayed this year.

Number two, say you had dreamed of having your middle school graduate go on to say, the prestigious Bronx High School of Science. Looking down the chancellor’s list of budget cuts, you might see the Bronx Science is facing a 5.25 percent cut — amounting to some $825,00 — and no cupcake sale can make up that kind of deficit. For many schools, such cuts could mean the end of concerts, plays, after school clubs, sports, and at places like Stuyvesant, a lighter academic courseload.

Thousands of parents already support New York City public schools, and thousands more would like to. They do not appreciate being political pawns.

Read all of Liz Willen’s Middle School Muddle

“Did you get the mail yet?” my 5th grader asked yesterday, for about the 300th time in the last month.

I did not like the anxious look on his face, but I understand it. For reasons as of yet unexplained and articulated by anyone at the New York City Department of Education, middle school notifications are coming way later this year. As we forge ahead with graduation and birthday plans, end-of-year publishing parties and arts festival performances, a letter from a middle school is on the way.

Hopefully, the envelope will come from one of our top two choices, made after much discussion on our part, after many visits and careful consideration of everything from the commute to the class sizes. We can’t be quite sure how that middle school arrived at the decision, as each one seems to do something a bit differently when choosing their 6th graders.

We do know all the top schools have way too many first choice applicants and simply can’t take them all.

As the wait stretches on, 5th-grade parents in choice districts throughout the city are all a little anxious. If the news is not what we wanted, we must be nonetheless cheery and optimistic, explaining to our 9- and 10-year-olds that this does not constitute personal rejection and they will be happy wherever they end up. Or, we can choose to appeal the decision and push for one of our top choices nonetheless, prolonging an arduous process even more.

When my older son was going through this process two years ago, he knew by April where he was headed the following year. He was delighted, and promptly forgot about middle school and focused on enjoying the rest of the year with his close friends.

That is what I’m urging my 5th grader to do now. And I am focusing on the rituals of the wonderful elementary school we are about to leave behind, along with moments when my child might still grasp his hand and ask if I’m the one taking him to school or picking him up — a concept that ends instantly for many parents in middle school.

I’m preparing to bake my last batch of birthday cupcakes to bring to his class on the big day, another ritual that disappears in most middle schools. And when I pick up my 7th grader this week, I’m making sure we meet somewhere not even remotely close to his school but in another neighborhood entirely.

From the minute we dropped our 5th graders off in a sun-dappled elementary school courtyard last September, the search – and the questions – officially began for parents. Would we be able to find a decent New York City public middle school for our 9- and 10-year-olds?

The tours got off to a slow and somewhat confusing start, but one thing became immediately clear as we began to rank our choices one to five: There are far more students who want to get into the most coveted middle schools than there are spots for them.

In recent weeks, a dire picture of the overcrowding lower Manhattan and other areas of the city face and the impact it will have on schools has emerged. The New York Times weighed in, and Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer has announced a meeting next week to discuss the implications.

A report Stringer released last month found the city had approved enough new residential buildings to add up to 2,300 new students in K-8 – while increasing total school capacity by only 143 seats.

Overcrowding is a serious problem, and it’s only getting worse as more families choose to stay in the city.

I wish I could tell parents not to worry or stress, and urge them to shun private institutions or moves to the suburbs. The problem is, plenty of us are already staying in the city and fighting for better public schools, just as innovative educators are working hard to make the schools we do have more appealing by attracting grants and specialty programs.

It’s not enough. Supply does not meet demand. The overcrowding in some areas is causing parents to be shut out of kindergarten in some of the most coveted neighborhood schools, as the Times story noted.

Fast-growing immigrant areas in the Bronx, Queens and Upper Manhattan have spent years struggling with overcrowded schools, classrooms and trailers as immigrant populations continue to surge.

Finding a good middle school – and then getting into it – is hard enough now: the best have a long list of children shut out for lack of space.

Without serious attention it may become nearly impossible in years to come.Read all of Liz Willen’s Middle School Muddle

Searching for schools is fact of life in New York City, one that requires patience, stamina, resilience. At times you need the skills of an investigative reporter, along with the endurance of a long-distance runner.

If you are considering private school, you need many of those qualities as well, along with at least $25,000 grand a year to spend on tuition.

In the city, it’s not unusual for parents spend enormous amounts of time thinking about schools and researching options. The truly obsessed may begin their search preconception, or at least around the time they begin investigating that other great New York obsession: real estate.

I didn’t worry much about schools until a girlfriend turned to me in the playground one day more than 11 years ago to ask if I’d completed the nursery school applications yet.

I remember being shocked, because up to this point I’d been happily preoccupied with first steps, solid food and a full night’s sleep. Turns out I missed the deadlines.

I vowed to be on top of all the options from then on, and managed to find a tremendous public elementary school for my sons that gave out-of-neighborhood variances – a rarity these days at the New York City Department of Education.

Now I find myself waiting to hear about middle school acceptance for my youngest son, who is 10. We’ve spent much of this year taking tours, preparing for tests and interviews, weighing multiple factors and discussing moving on and maintaining elementary school friendships.

I grew up in the kind of suburb where everyone stayed together, from elementary school through high school, for better or for worse. No choice existed. Education barely entered the conversation, much less dominating it as it tends to in the city.

Throughout our second middle school search in three years, we’ve managed to block out the scary search around the bend — high school admissions.

Suddenly, my mailbox is full of upcoming meetings, open houses and Princeton Review tutoring options for high school specialty exams for my 7th-grade son. We’ve missed several already.

A story in The New York Daily News this week contained some startling statistics that snapped me back to the reality check I first experienced in a sun-dappled playground 11 years and some months ago.

Some 7,772 kids did not get into any of their high school choices this year, including one fine student whose angry mother is moving the family to New Jersey, where getting in requires nothing more than showing up to register.

The mother did not sound at all happy about it, though. You are not supposed to drop out of the race before you reach the finish line.

Are there too many obstacles in the way of parents who embrace and support public school and really want to stay in the city?

And so the next search begins.Read all of Liz Willen’s Middle School Muddle

I’ve spent considerable time contemplating issues like class size, teacher quality and the importance of after school programs and art and music curriculums in middle school, first for my 7th grader and now for my soon-to-be-6th grader.

I probably should have spent more time checking out shoes.

Apparently shoes – what brand you wear and how many pairs you have — really matter in middle school, at least that’s what my 7th grader tells me. And his skateboarding little brother isn’t far behind.

It’s no longer okay to lace up any old pair of $20 sneakers and wear them till they are trashed.

My public school kids have somehow been tuned into websites where they can browse through thousands of cool and colorful high-end brands or design and customize their own Nikes. They’ve discovered skateboard shops stocked with DCs and Elements and other brands of sneakers that easily cost $85 or more.

My middle schooler has also brought home the idea that it’s not enough to have ONE or TWO really cool pair of sneakers. You are to be pitied, my 7th grader warned me, if you wear the same pair of sneakers over again. Same goes with those pricey hooded sweatshirt jackets.

When I ask about the day — hoping to catch a small tidbit about an interesting lesson, a book, an exciting moment in history — I’m more likely to get a plea for new sneakers and a reminder of the horrific humiliation involved in wearing the same pair each day.

I don’t have any solutions or advice here (beyond putting your middle schoolers to work so they can buy their own shoes) but if you are just beginning to think about touring middle schools, you might want to shift your eyes downward a bit toward the footwear – and start saving up just in case.

Read all of Liz Willen’s Middle School Muddle

There is one way to get answers and explanations about the middle school choice process.

It requires taking a deep breath, agreeing not to try to game the system and ignoring the “I heard this” rumors.

It involves going straight to the source: Jimmy Bueschen, the school choice coordinator whose jurisdiction includes District 2.

For the last 10 years, Bueschen has patiently explained middle school choice to countless elementary school parents. Every year he hears parents cry: “This is too much for 10 year olds!”

He also tries to quell rumors from parents who “heard this” about a change in the process, a new rule or deadline. Most are false. He is quick to tell parents who want to know if putting their second choice first is a better strategy that the answer is no, never.

Bueschen was kind enough to go over all the answers to questions I posed in a recent post, although he reminded me that he’d addressed just about every one of my questions in his excellent and very careful presentation to my child’s elementary school, where he pointed out that 80 percent of kids get into their first or second choice.

Those are pretty comforting odds. So how did I get confused? Perhaps by listening to multiple voices and rumors? Also, many of the schools we visited during tours do things differently, so what holds true for one school doesn’t hold true for the next, so it is easy to get somewhat muddled.

For the record, here are some of Bueschen’s answers to frequently asked questions, including mine.

Q. How seriously do middle schools take the fourth grade state tests?
A. The tests are part of multiple criteria schools used, including lateness and absences. There were cutoff scores at one point. There are no longer cutoff scores.

Q. Do schools really look at report cards, even if there are just checks and no grades?
A. If they ask for them, yes. Lots of report cards don’t contain grades.

Q. Will middle schools really have time to evaluate hordes of first choice candidates?
A. Of course. That’s part of what they do.

Q. If they give a test, how much will it count?
A. There are multiple criteria. Of course, you would think it holds a bit more weight because their screening may be based on the theme of their school. It’s up to the school to decide. Schools have different themes they may want students to demonstrate an interest in, like writing, science or technology.

Q. Will be child be screened at both his first and second choice? We all heard this might happen.
A. They will be screened (which can mean an interview, a test, participation in a project) at their first choice. The second choice school may do screening before they accept students in the second round – which means after they have accepted those who listed them as first choice.

Q. If they don’t hear from their second choice, does that mean they got into their first choice?
A. It’s possible, but it’s not over till it’s over. A person can get interviewed by first, second and third and STILL get their first choice. Our goal is for everyone to have their first choice. You could hear from the second choice school and still get into your first choice.

Q. Should we have prepared portfolios or letters of recommendation about our children?
A. Only if asked by the school. They likely won’t have time to read them.

Q. When will we find out?
A. Early May.

Finally, Bueschen has a reminder for parents who complain that the process is too much: The alternative is to pack everyone off to zoned schools – something no one wants. The best way to reach Bueschen is via email: jbuesch@schools.nyc.gov. He gets hundreds of calls at 212-356-3788 and does his best to answer.

Read all of Liz Willen’s Middle School Muddle

When the public middle school search began this fall, I was not going to be one of those anxiety ridden parents, whispering rumors and comparing notes and test scores of kids who get in.

After all, we are talking about 10-year-olds here. There is plenty of time to get hysterical about high school admissions and getting into college in the years to come.

My kids attend schools in Manhattan’s District Two, I reasoned, where there are plenty of good choices that parents in other parts of the city only wished they had. My older son survived the process two years ago, got accepted into his first choice and is (mostly) thriving in his middle school, as are most of his friends and former elementary school classmates.

I still want to believe everything will work out fine. But now that tours are done and applications in, I see anxiety etched on the faces of 5th-grade parents. Kids are whispering about their tests and interviews and saying things like, “I’m sure I didn’t make it.”

Some of us will have to explain to our kids why, if they didn’t get their first choice but their friends did, it they should not be unhappy or feel rejected.

We won’t be able to say exactly why, though, because we’re all a bit confused. The middle school process started later this year than it did in the past, and while many of us have posed questions to principals, staff at our elementary schools and parent coordinators on tours, we haven’t always received clear answers.

We’ve all been told many different things, some with a warning that all is subject to continuing changes in the middle school process from the Department of Education.

Parental chatter on tours and at tests makes for more confusion. For example, several parents told me they listed their child’s first choice school as SECOND on the middle school application, believing they’d have a better chance in the second round.

Some other unanswered questions:

• How seriously do middle schools really take the fourth grade tests? Can your child simply not get into certain schools if they didn’t score a four on both the ELA and the math? Is there really an absolute cut-off? It seems to vary from school to school. Should you not even apply to certain middle schools even if you really liked them because of lower test scores?
• Do schools really have time to look at report cards? If the report cards have just checks and no grades, how will these schools know anything about my child?
• Will middle school officials really have the time to evaluate hordes of first choice candidates, in addition to getting through an already packed day and taking care of the kids already in their charge?
• If they give a test, how much does it count?
• Will my child be interviewed and tested more than once? At first we were told they would be only be tested and/or interviewed at their first choice. Then we were told they’d go to both. Then we were told they’d only get a call from school two or three if the child did not get into school one.
• Will my 10-year-old be assigned a numerical rating, and get accepted or rejected on that basis?
• Should we prepare a portfolio? Letters of recommendation?
• If we don’t get our first choice, do we have much of a chance on appeal?

Understandably, selecting an entering class is tough on popular schools that are overwhelmed with first choice applicants.

Parents for the most part truly appreciate the unique offerings and the opportunity to choose the best school for our children. We know it’s time consuming for everyone involved.

A bit more clarity would make this easier for all.

Read all of Liz Willen’s Middle School Muddle

The city’s new social promotion policy scares me. I keep imagining corridors filled with giant sneakers and puny 6th graders bumping into their bearded, muscular classmates who are repeating 8th grade.

It brings me back to our first tour of a middle school two years ago, when my then 5th grader had a funny reaction to the size of kids lurking in hallways.

“Mom,” he whispered urgently. “I can’t possibly go to this school. These are Middle School Giants!”

It happened that the 8th grade boys who spoke on that day’s tour were particularly huge. Their voices had lost the high-pitched, pre-adolescent cadence. It seemed pretty intimidating.

But just imagine what middle schools are soon going to look like by the time my 5th grader graduates and the new social promotion policy takes hold. (Assuming he never bombs a major class or standardized test and gets left back, that is.) I predict huge improvements in the basketball teams.

The policy approved 11-1 by Mayor Bloomberg’s rubber stamp education board ensures that untold numbers of 8th graders are going to repeat the grade. The panel’s 11-1 vote came on Monday night as angry parents and protesters shouted “Shame on You,” according to the New York Daily News.

In support of his new policy, Chancellor Joel Klein says it makes no sense to send students “wholly unprepared into a high school environment,” and he’s right.

But it also makes no sense to turn middle schools into the Land of the Giants.

What about focusing our energies on helping struggling kids long before they face a fourth middle school year?

Since October, we’ve visited more than half a dozen middle schools, compared notes and listed our top five choices in order. We care a lot about education and choice in our family, so we laid out a fairly ambitious schedule of tours, questions and considerations. But we fell down on the job.

I can’t help but think about all the parents in the city who simply did not have time for tours, questions and soul-searching. Or the single parents who had to go it alone.

Some may have simply opted for their zoned school, where admission is guaranteed. We never even visited our zoned school - Baruch - because the location wasn’t right and the size - 1,043 -  seemed daunting.

We never got to Salk, a school high on the list of many of my son’s classmates, simply because the day starts at 8 a.m. and the commute would involve two subway switches. If we couldn’t get there on time for the tour, how would my son manage on a daily basis? (Okay, we slept through the alarm clock that day, truth be told).

We missed the truly beloved East Side Middle on York Avenue, reasoning again that the commute would be too far. We didn’t tour highly regarded Robert Wagner on East 76th for the same reason, along with its overwhelming size - 1,400 students.

Parents who applied for out-of-district or specialized middle schools (with a tryout, like the one my son did for the Professional Performing Arts School) or their own admissions criteria and exam (like the highly competitive NEST+M) had even more extra homework.

Those applying for private schools had additional tours, day long school visits, admissions exams, tutors and letters of recommendation. And with chances slim of snagging a spot in these vaunted institutions, they went through the public process as well.

If it seems a little overwhelming, it is. And this year, we’ve been told our children will likely be interviewed and take admissions tests at their top two choices instead of just their first.

My son came home last night with a list of interview questions he might be asked. He had to describe his strengths and weaknesses as a student and as a person. He is 10. I wasn’t surprised when he told me had trouble falling asleep.

There is a danger these kids will be burned out when it comes to finding a high school and tired of touring. They may, however, be savvy pros by the time they tackle college admissions.

Let’s just hope they have also developed a love of learning about something other than what to look for in a school.

When choosing a middle school, what happens after hours is critical in a city where space is scarce and fields are threatened.

Parents mulling middle school options spend a great deal of time comparing math and science programs, class size and school philosophies. They also can’t help noticing the wide disparity of sports and after-school programs and activities

Extras like robotics and rock bands can be big factors for working parents. Who wouldn’t prefer having their kids in fun, structured activities in school instead of hanging out in city parks, unsupervised?

Kids care a lot about these offerings as well. My 5th-grade son is absolutely swayed by the promise of track, soccer and swim teams.

After school sports are even more critical at a time when the few athletic fields available to New York City kids are threatened by politics - as at Randall’s Island - or by development, as at Pier 40, where a huge rally is planned this Sunday at noon to save the fields from development.

So far, no middle school we’ve toured can compete with the offerings at M.A.T. in Chinatown, detailed in a great piece last week in the Downtown Express. The promise of the long-awaited community center that will be available free for all students at IS 289 will also be welcome.

But only M.A.T. offers a climbing wall (a great metaphor for middle schoolers, who literally climb them anyway) along with a surfing club and a tremendous track and field program. John De Matteo, the school’s ambitious athletic director, is building a really impressive program where 65 percent of all students participate in a sport.

To his credit, De Matteo has already met with the principal of Tompkins Square Middle School to explain how M.A.T. can support 16 sports and 38 teams. He plans to meet with other middle school principals to talk about how they can model their programs after M.A.T. as well.

De Matteo is happy to share his insights because he is so convinced that it makes a huge difference in the lives of middle schoolers.

“I believe that being on a structured sports team which teaches children how to work with their teammates, build sportsmanship, build community and character and motivate to improve grades will be one of the most important opportunities for our children to have,” he says.

Any advice M.A.T. can offer middle school principals will be a positive step for all New York City public schools. Space, money and scheduling issues all interfere with the creation of after school programs. Just last week, hundreds of kids and parents crowded into PS 3 in the West Village, pointing out the critical need for more schools in Chelsea and the Village. Kids wondered why luxury condos are cropping up everywhere when schools are not.

There are not enough good public schools in the city. We also need fields, after school programs and sports. Parents are going to have to make a lot of noise to make sure we get them.

In the meantime, let’s offer support and encouragement to the educators and visionaries who are creating, pushing and sharing programs that mean so much to our kids.

Do we need Backpack Solutions 101?Ask any middle school parent the biggest adjustment their child faces when they leave elementary school, and they are likely to talk about organizational skills.

Or, lack of them.Changing classes, remembering which book to bring home, writing down all the homework in a planner, locating that planner — all of these tasks can overwhelm 6th graders used to staying in one elementary school classroom and being a bit more coddled.

Apparently, this phenomenon has become so common that pricey tutors and personal organizers have organized a side business — backpack help for $100 an hour or more.

Seems there is barely a skill related to learning or growing up that can’t be outsourced these days.According to a recent New York Times article, parents are shelling out whatever it takes to help their children succeed in school. Most often, its boys who seem to have more trouble organizing and multi-tasking. As the mother of two offenders, I mined the article eagerly for tips. One of my colleagues gave a copy to his chronically disorganized son. He promptly lost it.

For a brief, irrational moment, I considered contacting tracking down the backpack organizers for an appointment. I’m sure their lines were flooded.

Then I wondered if all middle schools should offer a mini-course on backpack and perhaps even locker organization at the start of 6th grade.

My 7th grade son could have used one. He lugged a crammed backpack that may have weighed more than he does throughout his first year at Clinton School for Artists and Writers, which, like many Manhattan middle schools, requires a breathtaking climb because it occupies top floors of an elementary school.

“You will break your back,” I insisted, watching him tote textbooks and notebooks for every class, even when there was no homework. Loose change, torn papers, dog-eared permission slips and old exams mingled with soccer gear. The thing smelled.

“I don’t want to forget anything,” he replied.

My soon-to-be 6th grade son has the opposite problem. He rifles through his backpack searching for a book, his folder, a notebook he needed - only to discover he left it at soccer practice, in music class, at school or at a friend’s house.

I am taking comfort in the belief that even without tutors and courses, some middle schoolers eventually do learn their own lessons.

On a recent night, my 7th grader came home carrying only one thing -John Steinbeck’s The Red Pony with a permission slip tucked neatly inside. I immediately assumed he lost his backpack.

“I didn’t have any other homework,” he explained. “So I left my backpack in my locker.”

I didn’t ask if it was organized.