The holidays are my favorite time of year to check in with teacher friends, simply to hear what their students give them as gifts. For the most part the kids bestow endearing homemade cards and trinkets, with the usual array of baked goods.
Some private school teachers, though, receive jaw-droppingly expensive gifts. One reports getting gold jewelry from Tiffany more than once and, one year, a cruise. Another was presented with a giant porcelain ice bucket in the form of a top hat with a glove draped fetchingly over the brim. A pal who taught at a liberal-minded private school received no gifts at all, because acknowledgment of the holidays was taboo.
No such extravagance or holiday ban at my daughter's school, PS 29 - at least not that I've witnessed. The PTA tries to eliminate awkwardness and the possibility of one-upmanship by encouraging a group gift (okay, according the the DOE's conflict of interest rules). Parents chip in an amount they see fit. Often, a figure is suggested.This year in our kindergarten classes, the recommended amount was $15 to $20 per family. Donations are anonymous and everyone signs the group cards.
But for some parents, the process of teacher gift-giving can still be fraught. No class parent relishes passing the hat, and many privately wonder if they're handling the task gracefully. Last year, as a class mom for Night Owl's pre-K class, I felt especially guilty asking for money during a recession. To make matters worse, I was used to a small preschool and neglected to calculate for all the specialty teachers who should be included-until the PTA sent a reminder and I had to go back for a second round of collections.
Even though amounts are suggested and not mandated, some parents may feel squeezed at a time of year when extra cash is nonexistent. What's a dad to do if he feels the suggested amount is too steep but feels embarrassed saying so? How is Mom to know what's acceptable if no guidance is given at all?
On the flip side, a friend whose class contributes toward gift cards feels the suggested amount is restrictive. She laments that the total "take", once split among teachers, will be a paltry and impersonal reflection of their amazing work.
How does your child's school handle teacher gifts? Do you agree with school policy?
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