Dear Judy,

I  have a wonderful and very respectful daughter who suffers  from anxiety and ADHD. She has never had a fight or behavioral problems. I am concerned with the change of school because this year she will be going to middle school and I am hoping you could help me with some tips on what to look for. The elementary school which she attended was worse for her because of the overwhelming number of bullies there.

AMG

Dear AMG,

Middle school is a big transition for most kids and can be particularly hard on sensitive children. Kids are are growing fast and changing a lot during these years and are vulnerable to any slights from their peers. Bullying goes beyond  a simple slight. It is a real problem in any grade, but in middle school, it is  important to stop it before it gets out of hand.

Before school starts, talk to the parent coordinator, the guidance counselor, the president of the PTA and  other parents in the school. One of these folks should tell you frankly if there is a culture of bullying and what the school is doing about it. Even if there is no current problem, there should be a  very clear policy about bullying and, importantly,  kids should know who they can confide in if they are victims. Moreover, the school should work hard, particularly at the start of the school year, to stress respect for one another, students and staff.  A recent White House conference on bullying spotlighted the problem so there is no excuse for a school ignoring it.<!--more-->

Here are some other ways that your middle school can ease the transition from elementary to middle school.  For your daughter, a small school where students get plenty of personal attention sounds right. A big school can also work if it is divided up into units where kids and teachers interact in small numbers. Big schools often have several different programs so look for one that interests your child and puts her in the company of kids who share her interests.

In either case, big school or small school,  look for “advisory” periods where the same  group of  kids meets with the same staff member once a week to talk over school problems. Sometimes they go on excursions together like skating or  picnicking.

Another feature to look for: weekly mini-courses or clubs, another chance to be with kids from other classes and grades who share common interests. Often scheduled on Fridays, kids take a class in something they really like such as art,   music,  astronomy, or chess. Usually teachers offer a class in their own areas of interest and their enthusiasm is infectious.

It goes without saying that if your daughter has an IEP and receives special education services, make sure the school offers the services that she is entitled to. Talk this over with the guidance counselor well before school starts. Most of all, be there to support your child, praise her accomplishments and tell her how proud you are.

Good luck.

Judy