Dear Judy,

My daughter just started kindergarten at our zoned school in Brooklyn, which has a wonderful reputation. Last week, we attended the curriculum conference for her class, where the teacher outlined what the kids will learn this year. She told us that kids will learn their letter sounds, and learn to count. Well, our daughter is already reading chapter books, and able to add, subtract, and multiply. I e-mailed the teacher asking if we could sit down to discuss my daughter's situation. She denied me a meeting stating, "I just think that at this point my goal is to now let your daughter's development unfold in the classroom." I was very distraught by this response. I have a 13-year-old stepson, and have never been denied a meeting by a teacher.

-Distraught Dad

Dear Distraught Dad,

Kindergarten teachers are usually more open to parent input than you describe, but it is early in the term. Give the teacher time; she has to learn all about the 25 eager new kids who show up every day. Heed what she said in her e-mail about letting your daughter's development unfold in the classroom.

It's a thoughtful comment, she is going to pay attention to your child, and your child will demonstrate her skills under her watchful eye. She is going to notice the books that your daughter brings to school, and her quick response to numbers. She is going to develop a strategy for her and for other kids in the class with advanced skills, as well as work with those who need catching up.<!--more-->

What if she turns out not to be the ideal teacher I just described?  What if she turns out to be an inflexible person who doesn't know how to adjust to individual kids?  Make certain to attend the parent - teacher conferences next month, at most schools that will be Nov. 9 or 10,  where you will be able to discuss your concerns with her.

By that time,  you'll have an idea about how your daughter is progressing and so will the teacher. If there is a problem, she most probably will have heard similar complaints from other parents. If her response is still unsatisfactory, it may be time to organize a delegation to see the principal.<!--more-->

But, think about the remedy you would like. Most schools don't let kids change their classroom and hardly any "skip" kids to the next grade. But,  kids who are getting bored or acting out should be challenged with extra work. Perhaps she, and others in the class on her level, can be "grouped" to do more advanced work. Perhaps they could sit in on a 1st grade class during math time, or be part of an after school math or reading club.

And of course, don't forget the importance of play.  There are numerous studies that show a relationship between play-- pretend and social --and cognitive development. Maybe a remedy you should seek should include more opportunities for imaginative play.   At home you can enjoy the fun of playing with your daughter while helping her continue along her fast learning track.

If this scenario sounds too pat, and your daughter is showing signs of acting out or losing interest in school, get the guidance counselor involved. Some schools have grade leaders, reading specialists, or coaches who are there to support teachers and, hopefully, to support you.

One other option: consider applying to a Gifted & Talented program for next year. The request for testing formsare online now and, if she is scores at the 90th percentile or above, she will be guaranteed a slot in a district G&T program for 1st grade, assuming you rank all the options in your district on your application. However since her current school is well-regarded, your family might prefer the convenience of attending the neighborhood school over traveling across the district for a G&T program. In that case, she might be better off, sitting tight where she is. Since she is a fast learner,  she is likely to thrive anywhere!

Good luck!

Judy