What advice can you give me for my 8th-grade son to prepare for Ivy League schools? His reply is "I'm only in 8th grade." But I worry as he is not in honors classes and I think he should be. He did well last year in 7th grade but all of his teachers said he could do much better as he is very bright. He is focusing on his social life and he thinks school is for social activity. How can I change his mindset? Am I worrying too soon?"

Well, yes and no. First, there is a social component to school -- if your son were studying all the time and had no friends at all, that would be a source of worry. But if his friends are responsible good students, who do not lure him into dangerous activities, that's great. Make sure he knows that his friends are always welcome in your home, because if they get together at your house, you'll know where he is! Now back to academics. You have raised a number of issues.

Let's start with the one in your first sentence. Please substitute "a high quality collegiate experience" for "Ivy League schools!" The Ivies do not have a monopoly on providing excellent education (nor does an Ivy League degree guarantee happiness, or even a job). There are hundreds of fine colleges and universities. In addition, the Ivy League schools have an acceptance rate that averages less than 10%. Because of intense competition, it's very, very hard to get in. If you convey to your son that only an Ivy League is acceptable, he may become demoralized and won't even try -- or he may try and not be accepted, and then feel like a failure. Please don't set him up for that. <!--more-->

Instead, try to convey in subtle ways that a college education is important, and that it is a goal he should include in his plans for the future. Does he see adults in his life enjoying their careers? Does he understand that their success and enjoyment came as a result of education? Perhaps two or three of these people could give him a pep talk. Does your son see that learning for its own sake can be fun? Do the adults around him model enthusiasm for learning things -- about art, music, science, politics? Keep the coffee table in your living room stocked with interesting magazines and library books about travel, sports, and famous people. Invite him -- and a couple of his friends -- on a trip to a nature preserve, to the Museum of Natural History, to the Cloisters, or to ride bikes around Governor's Island and visit the old fort. Just keep the stimulation out there in front of him as much as you can.

Your son is right -- he's only in 8th grade! Still, he can develop things that will help him -- all in good time -- to be a successful college applicant. He needs to be an enthusiastic reader -- students who read for fun, beyond what school courses require, generally are more successful in school and score better on standardized exams. He should develop effective work habits -- to plan ahead, do the homework each night at a certain time, turn in the work, and stay on top of deadlines. Encourage him to develop an interest (which may develop into a passion) in something: playing a sport, making music, caring for animals, helping people in need. All this takes time. Make suggestions, but try not to nag -- those of us who have parented adolescents know that nagging doesn't work and sometimes is counterproductive. Encourage him, express enthusiasm, and offer him opportunities for stimulation.

You are concerned that your son is not in honors classes this year and that he should be. Have you discussed this with his teachers? Is he bored with his current classes and would he benefit from additional challenge? Perhaps you and your son and his teachers ought to sit down and assess the situation. The main goal is for him to enjoy learning and to feel successful in school. When learning itself -- not a specific numerical grade -- is sweet and pleasurable, success will follow.