Q: I am on Facebook a lot with my friends, just to, like, stay in touch, share photos, nothing serious. Sometimes we use four-letter words in our conversation, it doesn't really mean anything. My mom saw my page and really got on my case for this. She says college admissions people read applicants' Facebook pages and judge them on that. I think she's over-reacting. First of all, those people probably don't have time to search for every applicant on Facebook. But also, most of the people using Facebook are teenagers and you have to expect that language. I mean, it's just for fun, no big deal, right?

A: Using Facebook to "stay in touch" is not wrong, of course, and it is fun. In fact, it's so much fun that thousands of people who are far beyond their teenage years use it. (Go ahead, look me up.) But it is wrong to assume that admissions people do not take the time to check applicants' entries on social networking sites. They do. They don't have the time to check every applicant; but they check many. Silly, frivolous things don't turn them off. But entries that reflect bigotry, racism, homophobia, intolerance, or a violent nature definitely set off alarms. The admissions people aren't trying to spy; they are trying to gather any additional information that could help them decide if a person should be admitted to their academic community.<!--more-->

How do admissions people obtain access to Facebook? It's pretty simple to be ‘friended' by someone who is already on Facebook. Or the admissions officer could have a friend or relative with access. Once on, you can enter any name and see if that person has a Facebook page. Many users choose to have ‘restricted access' -- so that only their name, photo, and school affiliation are given, along with pictures of their friends, whose basic information can also be accessed by clicking on their photos. If someone has not used the restricted access option on his or her profile, however, the information is visible. Also, the messages that people post to another user's "wall" can be read by anyone with access to that user's page. Yes, there are safety measures that you can select, but can you be completely sure that everything you write on Facebook and send to others won't be seen by someone you don't know?

What about those four-letter words? If, as you say, this language "doesn't really mean anything," then why use it? Four-letter words are not the exclusive property of teenagers, unfortunately; but being teenagers doesn't give you and your friends the right to use them and expect to be granted some sort of immunity. At best, admissions officers reading your words might think you sound unintelligent; at worst, they may think you crude. And, given the very competitive nature of admission at some places, do you want to give them any excuse at all for choosing another applicant over you?

The identity people project on the Internet reflects them, even if they think it's a big joke. People -- of all ages -- have said things, and posted photos, that they later regret. My own rule about e-mail is this: Never put anything in an e-mail that you wouldn't be willing for the whole world to see . You ought to apply this to Facebook and other social networks as well. Once something is on the Internet, it's out there, creating an impression about you. And if it's a negative impression, it can hurt you.

I agree with your mom. Choose your words carefully. (By the way, "like" is another four-letter word that is overused. It should be used only for 1) comparison and 2) to express a favorable feeling.)