Q: My son is going into his senior year of high school and we are starting to look at different colleges. Thinking about where he can get in, academically, is just one part of the story. My son is gay. How do we figure out where he will be welcome -- where will he be safe? I don't see this issue dealt with in the brochures they hand out at college fairs.  How do we deal with this? 

A: Nothing is more important to parents than the safety of our children. If your son wants to study chemistry, for example, he can do that at nearly any college. But where will he find a campus environment that where he can learn as well as be happy and safe? There will be no discrimination against him in the application process; colleges may ask for ethnic information on their application form (this is often optional), but they are not going to ask about sexual orientation. So how do you know where to apply?

Your son's sexual identity is an integral part of who he is, and therefore you both need to do research to find appropriate colleges, <!--more-->where he can be himself and be safe from harassment. You and he have to find out which colleges are gay-friendly before he applies. There are many ways to determine this:

  1. Does a college have a nondiscrimination policy that includes sexual orientation?

  2. Is there a gay student association on campus?  Or a gay-straight alliance?  Or an LGBT organization?

  3. If so, how often do they meet? Are these active organizations?  See if you can contact some of the leaders of these groups and ask them frankly about the climate on campus for gay students.

  4. Is there a gay studies program or classes on gay history/literature? See if you can contact the professors who teach these classes and ask them about campus life

  5. Does the campus newspaper or other publications discuss gay issues?  If so, what is the tone of these articles?

  6. When you walk around the campus, what sorts of messages do you see on bumper stickers, posters, and T-shirts? These can be revealing about the political climate of the school

A gay-friendly college is, of course, more than a place where your son will be physically safe. It ought to be a place where he can flourish as the complete human being he is -- and this will take research and investigation and personal visits.  I suggest you check www.campusclimateindex.org --  a website which offers an assessment and "report card" on LGBT concerns at over 200 campuses nationwide.  You will find a lot of helpful information there!