Q: My daughter applied Early Decision to an Ivy League school and just found out she was "deferred." Her college counselor told her the school was a "reach," but my daughter chose to apply anyway because she really loves this college and felt she had a good chance. Her grades and scores are very high and, frankly, she is one of the top achievers at her school. Now she is devastated. A "no" might have been easier to deal with -- but "deferred"? Is this just a nicer way of saying "no"? It seems to me a kind of admissions limbo. Why do they do this?

A: A deferral is not a denial, but you are right -- it is a type of limbo, where your daughter's application is hovering, neither accepted nor rejected. It's not a comfortable place to be, but not entirely hopeless. Your daughter is obviously an excellent student, as this Ivy League school is still interested in her -- they want to keep her in the running. Her college counselor was right, though, in telling her that this college was a "reach." Because competition for admission to Ivies is so keen, and because their acceptance rates are extremely low (many under 10%), they are all "reach" schools no matter how strongly qualified the applicants.

Going into the application process with this understanding should ward off optimism, but it's hard not be hopeful. So of course your daughter feels tremendously let down. She might feel a bit better if she realizes that, having had the courage to take herself into a hugely competitive arena, she survived the first cut. <!--more-->

Colleges want to woo and lure students into their applicant pool. They participate in college fairs, they visit the high schools, they mail students glossy brochures, they have enticing websites, and if they have a student's e-mail address, they send everything from campus updates to holiday cards. Then students apply, and the tables are turned. Now the colleges have the upper hand, and students have to woo them.

You, your daughter, and your daughter's counselor want what is best for her; but the colleges want what is best for them. They say they are looking for a unique freshman class composed of students who are just the right "fit" for them -- but they don't want to fill up that class too fast. They obviously do think your daughter might be a good fit, but they also want to save room for other applicants -- because the majority of students will be sending in their applications in January. If a college takes too many students from the Early Decision applicant pool, they may not have enough spaces for the excellent applicants coming down the road. Hence the decision to "defer" many Early Decision applicants and look at them again later.

So what to do now? First, your daughter might wish to call the college's admissions office, or the representative who visited her school, and have a brief chat. What could she do to improve her application? What further information could she provide to give the college an even better idea of her credentials? She might get only a vague answer about why she was deferred, but it is better to make the contact than not to. And I emphasize that she should make the call, not you or her counselor. Colleges admire applicants who advocate for themselves.

She should then follow up this call with a brief note reaffirming her interest. I suggest a written note (the retro kind, on paper, in a stamped envelope!) because it will be noticed among the thousands of e-mails that an admissions office receives each week. And then she needs to send her first-semester grades and significant updates on her activities. These communications should not be too frequent, or the admissions office will feel itself stalked. Your daughter should meet with her college counselor to plan a strategy of what to send, and when.

Many deferred students are indeed accepted during the next round of admissions decisions in March. But many will be wait-listed or denied. It' a gamble, so of course your daughter needs to be submitting applications to other colleges. But if she is still interested in her Ivy League choice, she needs to be proactive in keeping her application alive.

After all, the college is obviously still interested in her or they would not have kept her in the applicant pool. They are not looking to burden themselves with extra paperwork -- they defer students because they want to give them another chance, they want to review them again. At the same time, your daughter needs to look out for own best interests, and make her other applications wholehearted and sincere. Good luck!