Q: My daughter is heading off to college this fall, and has already "met" her roommate on Facebook and through e-mail. They have many interests in common and are really looking forward to living together on campus. Now they are starting to discuss "who will bring what?" and we are a bit unsure about how to navigate this. Should we suggest the other family provide a TV if we provide a microwave? What about linens, or extra lamps? How do we divide the responsibilities without looking either demanding or stingy?

A: It's great that your daughter seems to have found a compatible roommate! The college is doing a good job of matching. Many families go through the same situation -- are we providing too much, or too little?

First, your daughter and her future roommate should compile a wish list of what they think will be necessary beyond what the college provides. And you (all the parents) don't have to provide everything on the wish list. But it can be a start. Also, have you spoken with the other girl's family? Look first at the big-ticket items -- TV, mini-refrigerator, microwave, extra bookcase, etc. Does either family have any of these at home to spare? I think it's best to discuss this frankly from the start. Not everything has to be totally new. And if you do not know the other family's financial situation, you'll need to listen and hear what concerns they might express. See what is available if both families pool their resources of 'on hand' items. Then you can discuss who will provide what, and what needs to be bought. Do not overbuy -- the room will become a lot smaller once the girls move in.

I would also suggest that you and the girls wait until move-in time to purchase additional items. That can be a really enjoyable experience -- to shop for some things together. Usually there are stores like Target not too far from most campuses, and in August they will be well stocked with back-to-school supplies. The girls might decide upon a favorite color and will want to shop together for bedspreads, a floor rug, and throw pillows. It can be hectic in those days, but it might also be fun -- and a good bonding experience -- for the girls to shop and then meet all the parents for lunch. Enjoy!