A few weeks ago, my 5th-grade son "J" and I attended the first of two middle school fairs. Although we live in District 10 in the Bronx, my children attend elementary school in Manhattan's District 4, which gives us twice as many middle schools through which to sift.

I entered the lunchroom hosting the District 4 fair with excitement, prepared with a mental list of "must visit" schools. As an admittedly-anxious mom and eyewitness to the things that can go wrong in middle schools, I have been researching schools on this site, and in the book NYC's Best Public Middle Schoolsby Clara Hemphill and the Insideschools staff.

J had on his "I'm not talking to anyone" face and refused to ask questions at any of the tables. He asked again why he needed to be present. If it were up to him, he would rather spend the day at his beloved elementary school, Central Park East I.<!--more-->

In my effort to followJudy Baum's advice, and that which I know as a psychologist, I have been working very hard to include J in the process of choosing schools that will be a good fit.

A week after the District 4 fair, we attended a combined middle school fair for districts 9 and 10. As the districts share a middle school choice application, there were what seemed to be hundreds of families trying to cram into a packed gymnasium. Logistically, it was a bit of a nightmare with a long line of parents and kids waiting at the door to be allowed in. We missed the workshop for parents as we spent 20 minutes waiting just to get into the fair. Again my son groused about why his presence was important. Honestly, after a short while in the overcrowded room I was beginning to agree with him.

I can't recall a single school that boasted anything less than an 'A'on their 2008-2009 progress report. This was not surprising given the uncertainty of what the grades actually measure (read thiseduwonkette postfor an analysis). What I found most useful were the tables co-hosted by current students. The students were able to provide a sense of the energy of the school, an honest assessment of homework load, and genuine feedback on how students are treated and respected.

Besides those conversations with students, the fairs felt almost pointless. It's nearly impossible to get a feel for a school based on poster boards and information shouted above the din of a sea of parents. Hopefully the open houses and tours will prove to be more informative.