“Do you have a child-centered marriage?” someone asked me last week. My initial response was, “I was not aware there was any other kind.”

Turns out, most therapists (at least the ones I Googled) say couples have either a child-centered marriage or a parent-centered marriage. It boils down to whether the adults’ time and passion are focused on their children at the exclusion of their own needs. To put it another way: Has an intense commitment to being good parents come at the expense of a healthy romantic relationship?

I gave the question serious thought. I pondered it as I walked my 5-year-old daughter to and from kindergarten, as I hovered around her in the park, as I hung out during a play date, as I prepared her dinner, and as I gave her a bath and put her to bed. I thought about it Saturday as I sat in a stuffy school auditorium watching her perform with her after-school troupes, and thought about it some more during my three-hour volunteer shift at her school’s street fair.

And I definitely gave the question serious thought Sunday night, as I calculated ways to cram in some freelance work on this crazy June week in which my daughter’s elementary school has a half-day on Tuesday (for “clerical” reasons) and no school on Thursday (a “staff development day”).<!--more-->

Verdict: I have a child-centered life! Part of this is unavoidable: Raising a child involves a ton of work, not the least of which is keeping up with the demanding pace set by New York’s top public schools and the Byzantine rules of the Department of Education. But much of my situation is the result of intentional choices: My wife and I deliberately opted for a no-nanny existence, and we’ve set high-minded standards that we hope will result in a good kid. Call it “child-centered” if you want. I prefer to think I’m making tough decisions and legitimate sacrifices for my daughter’s long-term benefit.

I might be noble or foolish, depending on your perspective. Many marriage counselors blame a child-centered outlook for marital difficulties, and say parents need to carve out more time to be couples. Others say the reverse is true: Too many self-absorbed adults neglect their children’s welfare.

The pragmatist in me believes a middle ground exists somewhere. Children can have their needs met without being placed on pedestals. Husbands and wives can be model parents yet also provide their kids good examples of how adults behave in a loving relationship. As we nurture our children, we can still nurture ourselves.

My wife and I took a small first step toward adjusting the balance: We now make sure to regularly hug and kiss each other in the presence of our daughter. Fortunately, some sacrifices made on behalf of my child are less onerous than others.