Elementary Dad: Taking my child to school
I confess I forgot to do something special on Sept. 20 during New York state’s much-ballyhooed Dads Take Your Child to School Day. Instead, that day I did what I usually do: I took my child to school.
And I can’t honestly say I noticed a significant difference in the adult male-female ratio that morning at my daughter’s Upper West Side elementary. Mothers still make up the majority at the chaotic morning drop-off, but full-time fathers aren’t rare. Consequently, I tend to view Dads Take Your Child to School Day with the same sneer that working mothers might greet a holiday called Moms Go Get a Job Day. If you’re going to create a special day to celebrate innovation, at least make sure you’re not a decade behind the societal curve.
My snarkiness toward this well-intentioned day (designed, as its promoters say, to encourage and honor male involvement in children’s educational lives) confirms two truths about children and life in New York: You can’t win, and no good deed goes unpunished.
As proof, consider Take Our Daughters to Work Day, which is now officially called Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. The day was begun in 1993 by Gloria Steinem and the Ms. Foundation for Women to foster (in the words of founding mom Marie Wilson) “a spree of occupational discovery” for girls. But immediately came the cries, “What about our sons?” which is an odd question to ask the Ms. Foundation. The correct reply came from D.C.’s congressional delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton, who said: “Having a Take Our Boys to Work Day is like having White History Month.” Yet the practical and safe response from corporate America was, “Let’s include everyone.” As a result, this day is now so homogenized as to be largely meaningless, particularly for young girls. Everyone wins, yet no one’s better off.
A similar hurricane greeted Take Our Children to a Park … and Leave Them There Day. Begun in 2010, this day was created by Lenore Skenazy, author of “Free-Range Kids.” The idea was to get large numbers of kids outside, away from computers and video games, to socialize and play without a security detail hovering nearby — in other words, to play like kids used to play. The idea was attacked by newspaper columnists as setting out a buffet table for pedophiles. The third annual Take Our Children to a Park … and Leave Them There Day will occur in May. Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t take New York City by storm.
But my biggest beef with Dads Take Your Child to School Day has to do with its timetable. From my perspective, the morning drop-off is relatively easy: You get the kid awake, fed, dressed and to the schoolyard. From there, teachers take over, while I return home for more coffee. It’s a bit like being the father of the bride during the wedding ceremony when your sole duty is to walk your daughter down the aisle: The task is simple, and everyone smiles at you.
A more challenging holiday would be called Dads Pick Up Your Tired, Cranky Child From School and Entertain Her for Two Hours (No TV Allowed) Before You Cook Dinner Day. This is more like being the father of the bride during the wedding reception: You have to give a clever speech, do a little dance, make small talk, help clean up, then write checks to pay for everything. Same dad, same tuxedo, but timing makes a huge difference.
Ultimately, children are better off when both mothers and fathers are involved in their lives — and not just on a wedding day, but amid the minutiae of daily routine. To those fathers who have never taken their children to school (or taken an interest in their schooling), I say: Wake up and realize what you're missing. And if you need a little kick to get started, you're in luck. There's now a holiday just for you.
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