December holidays always pose a dilemma: What gift can I get my child’s teacher that says “I appreciate everything you do” and “I get on my knees each day and thank God I don’t have your job”? We’ve found a few gifts that teachers will love — or at least will generate an understanding chuckle.

These gifts are also priced within the Department of Education guidelines covering teacher conflict of interest. Deep within the DOE’s fine print, it says parents should be asked to contribute no more than $5 each for mid-year gifts, and that presents should come from the entire class rather than from individuals. (Thank you, Chancellor Scrooge.)

Consider these ideas a starting point. Feel free to suggest other gifts in the Comments below.

New York schools are often infested with mice. But what classroom isn’t improved by the presence of a pet? Turn problem into opportunity with a catch-and-keep combo: a humane mousetrap and a Habitrail mouse cage. You’ll get a cleaner classroom, a furry little pet, and most likely a few lessons in the miracle of birth.

Prepaid gift cards are a holiday staple, and a Starbucks card is always appreciated by those teachers who need a triple-shot latte to help them remember the Pledge of Allegiance. But teachers enjoy happy hour, too. Remember that many liquor stores also sell gift cards — perfect when you don’t know if your child’s teacher prefers chardonnay or straight tequila.

We all count the days to our next vacation, but educators often take a longer view. A handy Countdown to Retirement Clock gives your teacher a daily reminder of the future that awaits — a carefree world devoid of hungry little minds looking for mental nourishment.

Elementary classrooms can be noisy, dangerous places. Protect your teacher from loud shrieks and flying Lego with a protective helmet from Stihl, a company that makes chain saws and other implements of destruction. This all-in-one headgear shields eyes and ears — perfect for either a New York classroom or a Northwest forest. Available in orange.

Teachers no longer throw chalkboard erasers at little heads, and Taser guns are overkill. So how can a teacher command a daydreaming 7-year-old’s attention from 10 feet away? We recommend the Airzooka air gun, which blasts a harmless (but attention-grabbing) ball of air up to 20 feet. No batteries, no ammo, and best of all no bruises.

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If none of these store-bought items appeal to you, here's a homespun suggestion that won't cost a dime: Write your child's teacher a note that says something like "Thank you for doing a demanding yet important job that each day helps my child become a better person."