New York City is such a peculiarly competitive place to live that even toddlers may receive rejection letters from pre-schools, so you think they might be prepared when it comes time for choosing a high school.

At the tender age of three or four, however, they have some insulation, as it’s hard to imagine telling a potential nursery schooler: “Sorry, you didn’t get in. They weren’t impressed by your sandbox play.”

There’s not much parents can do to cushion the blow of first round rejection for city high schools, though. It can be a pretty raw time. And the stakes are ever so much greater because the supply of excellent high schools does not meet the demand.<!--more-->

Last week some 27,000 New York City public school parents and students got news from the eight Specialized High Schools that require a competitive exam and from LaGuardia High School which requires an audition. Decisions are due Feb. 23, and are especially complicated because those who heard from the specialized schools also found out whether they were offered a spot at a non-specialized school.

It can be hard for parents to keep in check their anxiety about second round results, expected in late March. Some 21,000 students are in this category (compared with 5,261 who got into a specialized school). They can wait it out and check out some of the new high schools that are opening next year.

In all this madness (and it is madness) there are real and legitimate concerns for parents and kids who have to make decisions about where they will thrive for for the next four years. An acceptance letter means some homework must be done in the next few weeks, including attending open houses, visiting schools whenever possible, and asking questions. (It doesn't help that there's a week long school holiday coming up!)

It may seem an embarrassment of riches to have a few excellent choices, but that is the case for those who are accepted to a specialized school (or even two if they got into an exam school and LaGuardia) and another school on their list. A student who got into Bronx Science or Lehman High School of American Studies may also have an offer to attend the excellent Townsend Harris in Queens. An aspiring actress who got into LaGuardia may also wonder if the strong academics and drama program at Beacon would be a better fit. Or perhaps a math-oriented Manhattan student may want to know if it’s worth commuting out of the borough to attend the large and well known Brooklyn Tech or if they’d be better off in a smaller, but equally rigorous, academic program at Bard Early College.

Also, every year there are hundreds of private school students used to small settings with lots of personal attention who are contemplating leaving their close friends and familiar settings (and saving more than $30,000 a year in some cases) for a much larger and equally prestigious program at say, Stuyvesant.

At an event last week, I had a chance to discuss high school choice with Randy Asher, the fairly new principal at Brooklyn Tech, who is happy to talk with parents and kids. Above, all, he suggested they come visit and spend lots of time observing and asking questions. Asher urges parents to think carefully before committing their child to a long commute, no matter how prestigious or attractive a school may be.

I also met an exhausted student from Far Rockaway in Queens who attends the High School of Sports Management in the Lafayette High School Complex in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. He told me his commute can be as long as two hours and forty-five minutes – one way!

I couldn’t understand his choice. The student told me that he and his mother had no idea the commute would take so long.

In the coming weeks, accepted students will be invited to open houses and will have a chance, with their parents, to ask lots of questions. Measuring the commute time is essential. If possible, you and your child should try out the commute by taking the train (or bus) at the same time he'll be going to school. In the meantime, learn as much as possible from students, other parents, principals, and teachers. Attend a concert, play, or sports events. Make lists of what is most important.

Insideschools would like to invite parents who have been in this situation before to share helpful insights.

For those who must wait until March for a answer, my sympathy. In my household, we have another year before facing high school applications for the second time, and I have a strategy that will only work for a very short time: Denial.