A parent of a District 15 fifth-grader wrote us about middle-school tours, and the people who offer them.  While experiences vary from person to person, parent OR child, this parent's observations about the human interactions that define a school's first impressions seemed to resonate.  What's your take on the "face people" who have enchanted (or alienated) you ?  Does your experience compare with this school-tour travelogue?  

As my daughter and I shopped for middle schools, I was repeatedly surprised by how little thought schools appear to invest in  their “face people” -- the individuals who, on tours and interviews, function as ad hoc PR representatives of the school’s culture and philosophy. These encounters form powerful first impressions that can make or break a family’s decision about which schools make the top of a family’s list.

We fist visited a school that I  thought would be of no interest to us.  At the open house, we fell in love: The principal was great -- warm, open, ready to nurture the creative best in every student. But at my daughter's interview, the woman we met with was aggressive, intimidating, and negative, even gossiping about other students . Could we, too, become fodder for community tabloid conversation?  The interviewer's manner undid the principal's great impression; we decided not to apply.

At a second school, my emails and calls about a tour earned a short, curt response informing me that we could visit after my child had tested in and been accepted. No further inquiries were acknowledged. Why, I thought, would I send my child to a school that expresses such disdain for prospective students and their families? Another one off the list.

School number three was a ‘thumbs down’ from the moment the gruff, inarticulate tour guide began to speak. He turned out to be the school's sole point person and was unhelpful and condescending at application time. That school was out, as well.

Of the four other schools we visited, most of the face people were warm, informative, and enthusiastic. The principals we met left us feeling excited and connected. These schools conveyed the focus of their communities while welcoming and engaging kids and parents. Obviously, it's not easily done.

When we started out on these tours I thought  I'd be judging schools on their merits. But during the process, I realized how hard it is to separate the people we met from the schools they represent. Could I send my child to a school that generated enormous bad will? Could one lousy tour really sabotage a school's good character?

Now that the applications are in, I see the outsize influence of the people we met along the way. I found it very difficult to guide my child to schools, even those with excellent academics, whose administration really turned us off. When will schools figure out that they, like the applicants, have to put their best face forward? Academic rigor is important, but feeling comfortable n the school community shapes a child's experience, and her family's perceptions as well. I can only hope that when it comes time for the high-school tours I've become a wiser shopper, and better able to see past the person who greets us at the schoolhouse door.

Editor's Note:  Easy, it's not -- but sussing out middle-school choice isn't impossible, either.   A bit of education helps; look here  for ideas and strategies.