Student Voice: Advice to parents on "college process"
Two weeks ago my friends and I sent in our deposits to the colleges of our choice and put an abrupt end to the lengthy "college process." But for many parents and students reading this blog, the Fiske books are just coming out.
The role of parents in the college process is delicate. Many of my friends complained that their parents were overbearing and pushed them too hard with their applications. Others were grateful for the work their parents did for them, noting that a lot of kids don't go to college because their parents are not informed.
So how do you support your kid without stressing him or her out? Here are some suggestions from grateful, graduating, college-bound seniors.<!--more-->
Research : Many students were thankful for the research their parents did, research that saved them a lot of time and angst. One senior said, "My mom spent a lot of time reading and researching colleges so she had information to help me narrow down my focus right off the bat. Based on what she found out, I was left with a smaller number of schools to look at rather than feeling really overwhelmed by the number of options."
Organize: Students reaped the benefits of their parents' organizational skills. "My mom kept track of all the deadlines and dates, she set up meetings and visits for me, helped me figure out what tests to take and basically just kept me on top of everything," one student said. "It was good 'cause I usually push things off until the end and then get incredibly stressed out."
Finances : Several students expressed gratitude for their parents handling issues like financial aid which they had no idea how to address.
Decisions : In the end, students want to go somewhere of their own choosing. "Although my mom gave me a lot of information and probably had a lot of influence of my decision she also gave me a lot of room and really allowed me to make the decision on my own," one student said.
What not to do : Stress! Many of the students who appreciated their parents' help also complained that they were stressed out during the whole process and that their parents only made it worse. In one senior's words: "I put a lot of pressure on myself during the application period and while writing my essay. I wish my parents would have helped me relax and not indulge so much in my anxieties."
When to shut up: Another echoed this sentiment, "My mom was very organized but she was organized in her way and couldn't understand that I don't organize in the same way. So when she would get stressed, she would think I should be stressed too. No matter how much stress they were under, they didn't realize that I was under more and didn't want to think about college all the time. They though it was perfectly legitimate to talk about it at home anytime they wanted, they didn't realize that I was constantly talking about it in school, and with my friends. They didn't realize how bombarded I was by college conversation."
No one wants to be the parent who send their kid storming out of the house just because they don't want to hear the word "college" one more time. And, of course, no one wants to have the kid who could have gone to college but didn't because he had no one helping him at home. It's a balance that's hard to find, but one that is essential. Stay informed, stay relaxed, and, most importantly, listen to your kid.
Anyone else out there have to tips to share for today's high school sophomores and juniors just entering "the process"? Please comment below.
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