With middle school acceptance letters due out in mid-May, parents of 5th graders may starting to feel anxious. Middle school, which once seems so far away, is hard at your heels. Will your child get in to where he wants to go?

After say, three different tests, after the tours, after listening to the somehow not reassuring mantra of school officials - 'Most kids get their first choice!' - more than a few times, you are now going to have your answer.

As the parent of a 6th grader I went through this process just one year ago. I can recall my feelings and thoughts pretty clearly. All along I tried to remember that every parent with a child in public school has to go through this same sort of agita. But the question of when those letters where arriving roiled up all my pent-up anxiety.

First it was May, then it was the end of May, and then we finally got the news at the beginning of June. After receiving an email from the principal I headed over to the school where they were handing out the letters before the end of school in the cafeteria. My son had pre-approved my reading of the letter first. I opened the letter and the outcome my son worked hard for was denied him. In an instant I felt diminished by the whole process. My son had excellent marks. He tested well. What went wrong? That day, the principal shut me down before I had a chance to even open my mouth. She simply said, 'It's a fine school." Then she turned her back on me. Pointedly.

Ah, the cruel world of middle school choice.

Within the course of a year my son took four different tests for middle school, and the Hunter High School exam. That's five tests in one year outside of the state tests. Each time the pressure of the exams took up residence in our apartment and, you know, since we live in NYC, it got pretty cramped in here.

It's easy to say it doesn't matter, that it's still just middle school, but the process (test scores, interviews, recommendations) leads to heightened emotions and expectations. When your ten-year-old doesn't get into the middle school he took time to think about, visit, discuss, and finally select, he is going to be disappointed. Fifth graders aren't going to understand, especially if they've been told they did everything right.

When was your first encounter with true disappointment? The kind of disappointment that just might have ramifications for the future? Or so it seemed? For me and many other adults I know, it certainly wasn't at ten years old. The stakes just weren't that high.

We appealed the decision and that answer came back very quickly: 'denied'. The machinations of the DOE remained firmly mysterious and frustrating. So, that 'fine' school? My son is reasonably happy. I respect and like his teachers very much. He even has a new friend. They are perfectly suited; they talk about dwarf stars, beetles and do math problems at lunch for fun.

Unfortunately, his new friend - who didn't get into his first or second choice - will be going to Hunter for 7th grade. Go figure.